Truly-Deeply-Madly
by bbparker49
Summary: What happens when Frank and Olga get into a relationship


TITLE: "TRULY DEEPLY MADLY"  
  
   
  
AUTHOR: Gabriele Lamm-Deiss  
  
   
  
FANDOM: SEVEN DAYS - General FanFiction  
  
   
  
PAIRING: Frank/Olga  
  
   
  
RATING: R  
  
   
  
STATUS: New.  
  
   
  
ARCHIVE: YES. Others please ask first!  
  
   
  
FEEDBACK: Appreciated but please be kind I am writing for the first time in my life!  
  
   
  
EMAIL: gabriele.lamm-deiss@steinbock.de  
  
   
  
SERIES/SEQUEL:  
  
   
  
DISCLAIMERS: All characters belong to UPN/Paramount. No infringement of copyrights is intended.  
  
   
  
NOTES: Thanks so much to Breanne for all the beta-reading! And many thanks to my husband he had a great idea for the end of this story!  
  
   
  
SUMMARY: Frank Parker invites Olga Vukavich for dinner! What happens then? Nosy? Just read it!  
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
1 "TRULY DEEPLY MADLY"  
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
Tuesday, November 20th, 6.58 a.m. (NNL) somewhere on the base area:  
  
   
  
Everything had been quite calm over the last few days, no backstep had been necessary and therefore everybody had returned to normal duty in Never Never Land.  
  
   
  
Frank was jogging - his usual 15 miles programme as he did every morning except on Sundays. He appreciated to run early in the morning even on this damply grey and frosty one – producing small white clouds of frozen breath. He loved to be alone with his thoughts – sometimes sobering thoughts mostly all about Jimmy, Olga, his best friend Donovan, the other members of the alpha team and the recent backsteps … and again Olga ….. He sighed. There she was this beautiful but aloof Russian scientist. He had not been able to stop thinking about her for more than two weeks now and decided it was time now to come up with a decision a very personal one otherwise his thoughts would drive him crazy. He laughed I am nuts! It's proved and tested. I am the one out of Hanson Island! He had to face the facts and finally had to accept the truth: He was truly deeply madly in love with her.  
  
   
  
After the briefing meeting this morning he would ask her if she would accept his invitation for dinner. He had asked her several times before but there had always been a damned backstep preventing a date. Though he was terribly afraid to hear a "no, sorry but I am very busy and have to do a lot of work", he would definitely ask her today. If she said yes he would be the happiest man alive – but what, if she said no? …. He shook his head in disbelief no, he really didn't want to think about a "no" not today. He caught his breath and desperately tried to prevent a groan leaking out. How could he live with a "no"? He fell in love with her the very moment when he met her for the first time in his life. It was quite like he had known her before he met her – maybe he had dreamt her into his life? Gee, Parker, by no stretch of even your wildest imagination could this have been called normal. This is simply crazy too! He was painfully aware that her answer would change his whole life! He sighed again and changed his direction. Now he was heading to get back to his quarters but continued to tantalize his brain with reflections of his past life.  
  
   
  
Oh yes, sure he had really loved Patricia and part of him still loved her very much. She was Jimmies mother! But things had gone wrong with them but at least it was not at all a waste of time – they had a wonderful son and now he was happy that she had found Mike Clary and had married him two years ago. Now she had the loving husband she always deserved not a husband who was married with his black CIA operations and his SEALS comrades. As a husband he had been a loose cannon. She could never be sure that he would come back and every time he left her she had tears in her eyes – awaiting an official information that her husband was missing in action or even worse would never return ….  
  
   
  
Tuesday, November 20th, 8.17 a. m., Dr. Olga Vukavich's office:  
  
   
  
Olga was sitting in her office and writing. Suddenly a slight knock on the door disturbed her work.  
  
   
  
"Come in!"  
  
   
  
She looked up over the rim of her glasses and saw Frank Parker standing in front of her desk. His T-shirt was soaked with sweat and his skin was glistening from small pearls of fresh sweat. She inhaled the slight scent of his after-shave. How she loved this fragrance. It was masculine with a touch of musk and fresh lemon – he was such a handsome man!  
  
   
  
She frowned and looked seriously into a pair of jade green eyes. "Mr. Parker? Good morning. Can I help you?"  
  
   
  
She had no idea what was wrong with Frank Parker. At first thought Parker was simply bored and decided to humour her but looking at him she realised it was not that. She thought she had seen him in every mood but this one seemed different. A deeper kind of mood, the harder to understand because this one seemed so strange. She was sure that this meant trouble. Parker was the incarnation of trouble.  
  
   
  
"Um ….", he cleared his throat …. "Good morning Olga!" Damned! She looked so beautiful and professional in her white lab coat!   
  
   
  
Nervously he pulled at his left ear. Olga decided to wait because she was sure that Frank Parker would tell her what was wrong when he was ready to do so.  
  
   
  
"Um… Olga?", he hesitated and glanced around the empty office as if he was expecting the others to appear at any moment. "What are your plans for Saturday evening? I would like to invite you for dinner!" The words bubbled out of his mouth. He was nervously chewing his lower lip and awaiting her answer. I really asked her! This was one of the hardest moments in my whole life!   
  
   
  
She looked at him astonished but pleased and with a little smile on her face. She sensed that it had cost him a lot to ask this question. His eyes were still focussing her and she recognized a mixture of different emotions: hope, fear, unendingly sadness and at least fringeless love. And without even a hint of hesitation she responded:  
  
   
  
"Yes, I accept! But – Mr. Parker – Only under one condition! We won't go to Burger King or McDonald's! If you really want to invite me – you have to bleed! I am a lady and not one of these girls you usually hang around with and I don't want to spend my precious time drinking a beer in a run-down pub or something like that! Pick me up at 7.30 p.m.!"  
  
   
  
Parker's face brightened and beamed like the sun. I can't believe what I've heard! She said yes! Wow!   
  
   
  
„Um, Mr. Parker?" she was playing absent-minded with her pencil.  
  
   
  
"Yeap!" His body tightened.  
  
   
  
"Don't you dare to wear your normal casual clothing! Especially not this old brown leather jacket! You have to be dressed well! Keep this in mind! Do you read me?"  
  
   
  
"Sure – yes Ma'am!" he responded with a big ear-to-ear grin.  
  
   
  
Again he smiled at her with his unbelievable upsetting little boy smile.  
  
   
  
"Thank you Olga! Be sure I know what to do!"  
  
   
  
He turned on his heels and started to leave but in the doorframe he stopped and turned around.  
  
   
  
"Thank you very much Olga! See you in the briefing room! I have to take a shower!"  
  
   
  
She dismissed him with a smile: "Yes, Mr. Parker you have to shower! I don't think that perspiring men are sexy! See you later!" What a liar I am! Definitely perspiring men are sexy – just this special one!   
  
   
  
And with a sigh she applied herself to her work again. Frank raced out of the door back to his rooms – he was whistling all the way down the hallway. He came around the corner and bumped into Nathan Ramsey. He hugged him, whirled him around and without a comment he left a totally baffled and bewildered Ramsey who had not even the smallest chance to start his usual verbal attacks on him. Ramsey stood there with his mouth open trying to process what he just had to take part in and still looking for a few seconds after the already disappeared Parker.  
  
   
  
After Frank had left her office Olga shook her head. She must be totally crazy! I can't believe what I have done. I said yes! I am going to have a date with Frank Parker! Oh my God! I really love this man to death but I never wanted him to know!   
  
   
  
A few moments later while she was desperately trying to maintain her composure a bright and lovely smile appeared on her face. She took her documents and left for the briefing meeting at 9.00 a.m.  
  
   
  
   
  
Thursday, November 22nd, 2.30 p.m., Frank Parker's office:  
  
   
  
Frank was in his room lying on his bed and staring at the ceiling. His door was half open and Donovan entered with a short knock. Over the past two days Donovan had given his friend a lot of openings to speak up and tell him what happened. He had not seen him in such a state of … of what, an odd mixture of bliss and bewilderment for years. But Parker was more silent than usual. His answers mostly grunts and some occasional word. But the contented look on his face the whistling and the bright smile conducted his monosyllabism and pensiveness ad absurd. He had tried to find clues but still had not even the faintest idea. And now he was so nosy he had to ask him straight away.  
  
   
  
"Hi buddy! We have to talk!" Donovan sat down on the bed and looked at him frowning.  
  
   
  
Parker nodded submissively, rolled his eyes, sighed and looked at his friend.  
  
   
  
"I have invited Olga for dinner this Saturday and guess what: she said yes!"  
  
   
  
Donovan could not believe his ears. Sure this was one of Parker's attempts to take the piss out of him. Still waiting for a more detailed explanation and the typical Parker comment, "Hey this was a joke!" he suddenly realized that Parker was far away from mocking and this was the clue he had hunted.  
  
   
  
"Okay. My honest congratulations Frank! Unexpected but at least unavoidable! You two are like fire and oil but finally your digging attempts had success! I really was going to think that you've shot your entire ammunition. But I know you, as a pit bull once you bite into a thing you'd never release. What did you do to convince her?"  
  
   
  
He waited impatiently for an answer. Frank folded his arms behind his head and answered surly:  
  
   
  
"I asked her. That's all! The rest is private!"  
  
   
  
Not exactly what Donovan would describe as a two-way conversation!  
  
   
  
"That's all? Come on! Details!"  
  
   
  
Parker started to get cross. "That's all!" He looked at the ceiling and after a glance into Donovan's face he resisted the urge to tell him to leave him alone and speak to him later. His brusqueness had hurt Donovan so Parker decided to make an about-turn sat up and slapped him on the shoulder.  
  
   
  
"But when you are already here trying to squeeze me like a lemon to get information maybe you could help me?" Donovan silently accepted his apology. He knew him far too good and too long to be crossed longer than absolutely necessary.  
  
   
  
"Sure I'm going to help you. I always do – you know this very well!" This little side cut was necessary for Donovan's still a bit dejected ego. "So what can I do?"  
  
   
  
"Look, Olga is a very special person and she loves romantic things! Whatever that means. I promised her a special evening – and she forcefully emphasized that she wanted me to bleed! This is going to be an expensive date but she is worth making every effort because she is the one out of a million! It's something like a challenge!"  
  
   
  
Donovan chortled. Frank Parker and romantic things? Donovan could not stop laughing until he cried.  
  
   
  
Catching his breath splitting his sides he spit out still laughing. "Sorry Frank! But you are definitely the last person who knows about romantic!"  
  
   
  
Frank was seriously crossed now. He had expected something like this because he knew his friend very well too but not such a rude bluntness!  
  
   
  
"Shut up you little son of a bitch! I am romantic What ever that means! Haven't I saved your life for several times not only in Honduras and this is my reward! Thank you very much Brutus! It is really enough that Olga thinks I am not romantic but now my best friend who is quite like an elder brother is thrusting a knife into my back! It was one of the biggest faults I made to safe your ass! But I can rectify this without a backstep! Right away! So be careful with your answer!"  
  
   
  
Donovan still chortled and ran his left hand over his face to wipe out his smile and make a serious statement again.  
  
   
  
"Sorry Frank! I apology! Really! But in case you have forgotten this I saved your pretty little ass in Somalia!"  
  
   
  
Frank looked at him still angry. But after a second he couldn't resist and a little smile appeared in his eyes.  
  
   
  
"Mmmh come on! How could I ever forget this? You remind me nearly every week! What do you suggest! Which restaurant? I thought about this small restaurant in Duckwater. You know this one I went to with Olga and Charlotte! But Olga luckily doesn't remember this dinner it was during another time line and a complete catastrophe. Thank God! This was really not one of my best ideas! I've told you about this nightmare!"  
  
   
  
"Good choice! It is romantic but very expensive! She will be honestly impressed! Okay move your ass and make an accommodation! But insist on candles!"  
  
   
  
He stood up and with a last glance on his friend the turned smiling and left a very desperate looking Frank Parker still sitting on his bed tearing his hair out while trying to find out what the hell romantic means.  
  
   
  
While walking through the long corridors Donovan was concerned. He had never seen his friend in such a state of confusion during the past two years! He seemed to care very much about this Saturday evening. He knew that Frank was in love with Olga. They normally shared their thoughts while having a beer at the electric fence of the base or in Frank's quarters. And there were only a few things Frank never talked about. One of these rare things was the heat box in Somalia and another one his nightmares about Chittagong and the 38 hours he had to spend buried alive in this damned mine when one of his backsteps failed and the sphere landed deep in the earth. He knew that this experience caused some awful attacks of claustrophobia. A claustrophobia Donovan thought he had learnt to handle but this was a recurrence of this illness Frank suffered from since he was trapped in the heat box. His struggling and fighting, his desperate attempts to keep his eyes open very well aware when sleep would overwhelm him the evil ghosts of night will show up their horrifying grotesque faces and the last pathetic remnant of control faded.  
  
   
  
I hope you really will have a wonderful evening buddy!   
  
   
  
   
  
Friday, November 23rd, 3.50 p.m., Dr. Olga Vukavich's office:  
  
   
  
Olga impatiently paced her office in agitation while she waited for her brain to come up with something. But her brain felt like jelly. In the rare lucid moments the logical part only told her that this was crazy even nut while her heart said something completely different. She felt every beat of it pulsing in her throat when she thought about Frank it was like dying on the cross. This flush of conflicting emotions confused her. She had to be logical, distant and had to grasp things firmly in a professional way. She always thought she based herself on facts.  
  
   
  
My God! What will I dress? What will happen then? Is this the beginning of a love affair? I tried to resist him for such a long time now but I can't go on this way. Playing all these silly little games. Trying to make him jealous, teasing him and at the end I always pushed him away. I didn't want to hurt him so much. I really love him I would beg steal and die for him despite the things I always say or do! But I am so afraid of being in love with him, losing him forever without even the faintest hunch how deep my feelings for him are!   
  
   
  
She decided to visit Dr. Isaac Mentnor. Maybe this fatherly friend could advise her? She went down the long corridor absent-minded greeting the people crossing her way until she finally reached Dr. Mentnor's office. She knocked and entered after she had heard his invitation.  
  
   
  
"Go ahead! - Olga!?"  
  
   
  
Dr. Mentnor looked at her and he suddenly was aware of her panic and her confusion.  
  
   
  
"My Dear! What's up? Have a seat and tell me about your problem!"  
  
   
  
Olga was looking like a picture of misery now she fell into the offered chair and sighed deeply. Then with a start she sputtered the words hastily:  
  
   
  
"On Wednesday Frank Parker took me by surprise and I must have been completely nuts I accepted his invitation for a Saturday night dinner! He is not the man I am dreaming of having a date!" Sure he his! She scolded herself! You little fool! You had and still have all this liquid dreams about Frank making love to you in the sphere. Kissing you passionately, running his hands softly down your trembling body, caressing you, his wonderful jade green eyes watching you while gently making love to you … He was the only reason why you decided you need an urgent vacation break in Alaska! And certainly everything went wrong and he had to save your life again!   
  
   
  
She continued nearly out of breath and some tears sparkled in her beautiful brown eyes rumpling her handkerchief with trembling fingers:  
  
   
  
"He is not mature. He is a womaniser! He only wants to add me to his collection of conquests! I prefer mature men who are romantic and know how to treat a lady! How could I agree? He is a wild card a daredevil. He is superficial, arrogant and he is a macho!"  
  
   
  
Isaac listened carefully and quiet but with a little amused smile in his wise eyes. And after a second while Olga tried to catch her breath and return to a somewhat normal behaviour again he answered.  
  
   
  
"My dear Olga! This could not be your honest! You don't want to date with him because of all these imagined reasons? I am really going to ask myself who is not mature? This is not the true reason why you are sitting in front of me totally beside of you! Please relax! You know him better, you can see the person behind this drawn up facade of male display pattern to disguise his extraordinary lovable however this much vulnerable personality! Do you want a cup of tea? Oh no, I think we need something much stronger, something more encouraging. How about Vodka?"  
  
   
  
He fetched two glasses and a bottle of Vodka. Filled the glasses and gave one to her. Than he sat down again.  
  
   
  
"Olga, I think the heart of the matter why you are so afraid of dating Frank is that you are anxious to lose control. Frank is a very strong man not only physically attractive. Sometimes I admit he is a little rascal. All this silly palavering about his behaviour: not mature, not romantic. Fact is, I never saw two persons fitting together more perfectly than you do! So go and enjoy this evening! Personally I think this is the best what ever could happen!"  
  
   
  
Olga downed her glass in one and coughed. She was grateful for this little lecture and decided that he was right!  
  
   
  
"Thank you Isaac! This was exactly what I in secret hoped to hear. I tried to tell myself the same but I didn't dare to follow my heart. To hear this from another person I trust and rely on was the decisive kick in my backside. I have to come back to the bottom of reality and face my emotions!" She cleared her throat and continued: "And I have to ask Bradley for some extra free time. I have to buy something to dress! I really want to look hot on Saturday!"  
  
   
  
   
  
Saturday, November 24th, 7.00 a.m., Frank Parker's quarters:  
  
   
  
He was awake. At least he thought he was and he was bathed in sweat. His head and his whole body were aching and his bones felt like jelly. This was even worse than the usual Saturday morning Parker hangover. In the end when his mind started to clear a little the first thing he remembered was that he had had one of his weirdest, oddest dreams and definitely not a nightmare. All about Olga. Making love to her! But these foggily fragments of memories slowly invading his brain weren't faithful allies he could rely on. Where they? What was he thinking? Him and Olga? Here? Wherever here was! Figuring out he was lying on his own bed he tried to raise on his elbows and succeeded only for a short moment than he fell back into his pillow. Covering his sweated face with his hands with a start he realised every single however small detail of his dream. He could still smell her fragrance, the scent of her silky skin, her taste, feel her lips, feel her hands. The exploding memories of sensational rocking orgasms were still sending little waves of pleasure through his entire body. This had been so real hitting him like a shark attack! Gaining back the ability to think clearly now he realized painfully that he was seriously aroused. Biting and grinding his teeth he tried to prevent a moan leaking out of his rough lips.  
  
   
  
I need a cold shower. An ice-cold shower!   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
Saturday, November 24th, 3.00 p. m., Dr. Olga Vukavich's quarters:  
  
   
  
Olga was standing in her underwear in front of her wardrobe. The doors spread open wide and three beautiful clothes hanging on them. She impatiently stepped from one feet to the other unsure what cloth she would wear tonight.  
  
   
  
God, I can't believe I bought three clothes and still I have no clue, which one I take! I am sure as hell that no male on earth will ever stand in front of his wardrobe thinking about what to dress to look at his best and so hot that even a Saint would lose control! Definitely this has to be a female illness! Okay, I will take a foam bath trying to relax and in my bathtub I might come up with a final decision! There are still more than 4 hours left!   
  
   
  
   
  
Saturday, November 24th, 7.29 p.m., Dr. Olga Vukavich's quarters:  
  
   
  
Frank was standing in front of Olga's door. Dressed with a dark grey suit, a white shirt and a perfectly fitting dark grey silk tie with small burgundy red stripes. Unconsciously tugging his shirt collar and his tie he hesitated to knock but giving himself a kick he took a deep breath and knocked.  
  
   
  
The door was opened instantly and he found himself standing in front of the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Olga wore an upsetting, very short, sleeveless burgundy red dress almost the colour of her hair with an even more upsetting and breathtaking neckline and very elegant black high heels. She welcomed him with a fantastic bright and warm-hearted smile on her face.  
  
   
  
"Good evening Mr. Parker."  
  
   
  
He tried to reply failed miserably and could only mumble a breathless and husky "Wow!"  
  
   
  
At least after a second he found his lost self-control again and added: "Olga, you look upsetting beautiful!"  
  
   
  
"Thank you! You don't look to bad too Mr. Parker!" This was the most monumental understatement I've ever made!   
  
   
  
She took his right elbow and they went through the hallway heading for the parking zone.  
  
   
  
   
  
Saturday, November 24th, 8.15 p.m., Duckwater Restaurant "Patrone":  
  
   
  
This little restaurant was the absolutely perfect and romantic frame for an effective, amusing and intimate evening.  
  
   
  
In secret Olga was deeply impressed! She really hadn't expected this!  
  
   
  
The room was bathed in subdued light. Candles burning on their table producing dancing shadows on the walls. Over the whole evening Frank had told some of his old SEALS stories, very funny anecdotes that made Olga laugh and some sad ones that made her thoughtful. She caught herself really enjoying this evening and flirting shameless with Frank Parker.  
  
   
  
When Frank excused himself for a moment Olga had a few minutes on her own. This man was an enigma, a real conundrum. She smiled. A conundrum? How perfect! She had never thought that this backstep codename created for the chrononaut to identify himself would at least find its living incarnation named Lieutenant Frank B. Parker, ex-Navy-SEAL, ex-CIA, now NSA!  
  
   
  
For the first thought he was a superficial, arrogant little rascal. But without the necessity to dig much deeper with a simple attentive look into his eyes everybody could see the real Frank Parker. Behind this façade of male display pattern was a highly intelligent, warm-hearted, sensible and feeling person with a sharp-tongued humour.  
  
   
  
It seems as if he could understand a person even without the necessity of a spoken word only by a look into the eyes! She sighed deeply.  
  
   
  
When Frank returned to their table he had opened the first two buttons of his shirt and loosened his tie. He sat down again and somehow managed to sit a bit closer at her side now. He casually placed his right arm on the backrest of her chair. Sipping at his glass of red wine while looking straight over the rim into Olga's eyes he asked her with a smile:  
  
   
  
"Olga, may I ask you a question that occupies my mind for ages?"  
  
   
  
She looked at him concerned and replied a bit unsure:  
  
   
  
'"Sure, Mr. Parker!"  
  
   
  
He laughed: "This is my question! Why the hell do you call every member of our team by their first names … except me? My name is Frank or have you forgotten?"  
  
   
  
Olga blushed and looked down on her cup of coffee embarrassed playing with her teaspoon. For a moment she could not answer, could not look into his serious eyes. In the candlelight his eyes had changed into the colour of emeralds.  
  
   
  
"Um", she cleared her throat still not looking at him, "that's because … because … I want to keep a somewhat professional distance between us. For our programme, for the whole mankind you are the most important person alive. The chrononaut. And I am the Chief of Medical Research! We should handle things logical and should not give away to possible silly and stupid emotional behaviour!"  
  
   
  
I can't tell him the truth. Can't tell him how much I love him. Oh God, what nonsense I've bubbled? I am so afraid I could loose him like I've lost Josef. Over the last years I've learnt to handle the grief of his lost until I met him again. A completely different Josef! A scoundrel! This second lost was hard. Very hard. But to loose him would mean to loose the ability to breath, to live!   
  
"Oh, mmh," he sighed.  
  
   
  
Olga actually managed to look up into his eyes again. He watched her frowning but with an amused smile.  
  
   
  
"I think we should nevertheless agree on a first name basis", and he gently approached to kiss her when the waiter rudely disturbed him:  
  
   
  
"Would you like some wine?"  
  
   
  
Absent-minded still focussing Olga Frank mumbled: "What?"  
  
   
  
"Would you like some wine Sir?"  
  
   
  
Frank looked daggers at the waiter: "Um …, Olga?"  
  
   
  
Noticing her shaking her head with a quick glance at his watch he surly replied:  
  
   
  
"No, thanks. The check please!"  
  
   
  
It has got rather late and Olga excused herself: "Mr. Parker … Frank … would you excuse me for a moment?"  
  
   
  
A bright smile appeared in his face: "Sure. Olga, I'll wait outdoors!"  
  
   
  
Frank was waiting at the bottom of the stairs in front of the restaurant, his hands buried in the pockets of his pants. When Olga came down the stairs he smiled at her lost in thought. She stopped at the step next to the last in front of him.  
  
   
  
"Mr. … Frank? Something wrong?"  
  
   
  
Still smiling he answered: "Olga, have I already mentioned how beautiful you are?"  
  
   
  
Olga was a bit surprised but very pleased: "Yes, you have but thank you! By the way are you trying to butter me up?"  
  
   
  
He laughed: "Yeap … I am … and did I succeed?"  
  
   
  
"No!"  
  
   
  
Still laughing he put his right hand on her shoulder leading her down the stairs: "Okay, let's go!"  
  
   
  
While walking to their car he left his hand on her shoulder all the way …  
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
Sunday, November 25th, 1.00 a. m., Dr. Olga Vukavich's quarters:  
  
   
  
They went through the long corridors to Olga's quarters and stopped in front of her door. Olga opened the door but didn't enter. She turned around standing only a step away from him she softly said:  
  
   
  
"Thank you very much Frank! It has been a wonderful evening! I've really enjoyed it!"  
  
   
  
He felt his heart flutter in his chest and answered huskily:  
  
   
  
"Well", he cleared his throat, "So have I!"  
  
   
  
He gently approached and put his hand on the back of her neck.  
  
   
  
"What's that?"  
  
   
  
"I want to kiss you Olga", he whispered and softly touched her lips with his. Pulling her close to him he deepened his kiss surprised and overwhelmed how she met every move of his tongue with her own. Softly kissing her ear he slipped the tip of his tongue down her neck to her collarbone. He could feel every beat of her heart throbbing beneath his lips. Softly pushing her into the room without stopping to kiss her his left hand felt carefully for the door. Found it and locked it softly! Every logical thought of her brain was blown in the wind. Now under his kisses and his touches she was completely made of emotion and feeling. She felt his hands so tenderly and gently touching her making her shiver and tremble of desire and lust.  
  
   
  
With the last pathetic remnant of her brain she moaned: "Frank? What are we doing?"  
  
   
  
Catching his breath he was mocking: "As far as I can remember this is called foreplay" and he pushed her towards her sleeping room. Unbuttoning his shirt, undoing his tie and removing his jacket Olga mumbled under his kisses:  
  
   
  
"This is crazy. There are more than a million reasons why we should stop this complete madness!"  
  
   
  
Unzipping her dress he huskily whispered: "Yes, you are right! This is nuts but there is one perfect reason to continue!"  
  
   
  
Through the fabric of his pants she could feel his arousal. Unconsciously softly thrusting against her hips she could hear his soft moans while she responded his kisses and touches and opened the zipper of his pants. They sank on her bed.  
  
   
  
God Olga! Do you know how much I love you? I'd walk through the fires of hell for you!   
  
   
  
He kissed her. His tongue invaded her mouth so sweetly she could barely believe that this was real. He made love to her, so slowly; he was so gentle, so serious, wiping away every possible remnant of a doubt of the depth of his feelings for her.  
  
   
  
The intensity, the sensation of feeling him inside her was unbelievable almost unbearable. He brought her to orgasm so gently but so passionately. Feeling her spasms drove him over the edge and only seconds after her he exploded in a brain-killing rocking orgasm.  
  
   
  
She laid beside him, raised on her elbows her chin leaning on her hands. While he gently ran his fingers down her shoulder she watched him absorbing every square inch of his face and beautiful body. She needed to see him, to look at him to reassure herself that this was not a dream. She could not stop to look at his face, the wonderful jade green eyes, the little scar on his right eyebrow and the dark little mole on his left cheek. The sharp line of his nose. The rise and fall of his chest still trying to catch his breath again. The hard six-pack of abdominal muscles. His scent. His taste. His skin was still glistening from sweat of their passionate lovemaking.  
  
   
  
He sighed and turned on his right side to meet her lips with his. He bended over her back leaned on his right elbow and ran little butterfly kisses from her neck down her spine, his left hand gently gliding over her body caressing her softly … and so they made love again.  
  
   
  
Frank was still awake though his exhausted body insisted even demanded on something completely different; his brain still denied sleep. Olga was asleep snuggled into his arms her head rested on his chest. He softly touched her hair and sighed deeply.  
  
   
  
Olga, you are the other half of my body and soul. You are making me whole, completing me. I can't count how many times I had these dreams! Making love to you. Even the brain-frying virtual reality with Claire or the wedding-night sensations with your evil double Galina. I thought she was you or maybe in secret I denied to realize she wasn't. All these feelings can't compare to reality. Reality was like TNT for the brain!   
  
   
  
With this last thoughts and a fast and fervent prayer to God not to blast this bliss because of an urgent backstep during the next seven days he had to comply with the demands of his totally exhausted body and finally fell asleep.  
  
   
  
   
  
Sunday, November 25th, 8.30 a. m., Dr. Olga Vukavich's quarters:  
  
   
  
Frank was already awake his arms still cradling Olga against his chest. Feeling the warmth of her body lying next to him he moaned silently trying not to awake her. The simple knowledge of her lying in his arms was enough. He felt his body aching of her felt his arousal.  
  
   
  
Olga's eyes flicked open she raised her head to look into his eyes followed by a drowsy "Good morning."  
  
   
  
He drew her up his body to kiss her: "Good morning!"  
  
   
  
Again she looked into his eyes and recognized the reflection of different feelings: unconditional love, unlimited devotion, fringeless affection and insatiable desire. But she sensed something else: deepest sadness and tremendous fear.  
  
   
  
She kissed him softly slipping her tongue between his slightly opened lips. Her hands touching him tenderly, caressing him so sweet his already aroused body answered instantly. This time he let Olga do what she wanted with him …  
  
   
  
   
  
Monday, November 26th, 9.00 a. m., briefing room (NNL):  
  
   
  
Bradley Talmadge, Craig Donovan, Andrew Owsley and Dr. Isaac Mentnor were already sitting at the big oval table when Nathan Ramsey raced into the room completely disconcerted and furious. In his right hand he held a piece of paper in his left hand his coffee mug.  
  
   
  
"Good morning everybody! … Sir!" he spotted out towards Bradley Talmadge "guess, what I've found, this was pinned at the door of my office!"  
  
   
  
He showed them all this small piece of white paper! Frank Parker had hastily scrawled the following words:  
  
   
  
Hi old blockhead! Thanks to Bradley for giving me a few days off the base. In case of emergency you can reach me under Lake Tahoe "The Lake View Cottages", 555 – 6974. Greetings F. P.  
  
P.S. I have my mobile and my pager with me!  
  
   
  
"Sir, you really allowed his psychopath to leave the base? Or is this again one of this typical Parker attempts to take the piss out of me?" and he added after a short glance around the table, "where is Dr. Vukavich? Usually she is always in time?"  
  
   
  
The others looked at each other showing mixed expressions on their faces: amusement, apprehension and disbelief.  
  
   
  
Bradley Talmadge cleared his throat: "Nate, calm down! Yes I have authorized Frank's little break. I think he really deserved some days off for all he had done for the whole mankind and us! And to answer your second question", he continued choking, "Dr. Vukavich is with him! I found her similar notice slipped under my door!"  
  
   
  
Ramsey swallowed his coffee the wrong way spit half of it over his shirt and suit and scolding himself he tried to wipe off the mess: "When did Parker ask you?"  
  
   
  
"Last Friday", Bradley sighed devotedly.  
  
   
  
The others sat there open-mouthed but after a few seconds they all laughed out loud and started to speak at the same time.  
  
   
  
"Sir, this is not funny! Dr. Vukavich is absent without valid excuse!" Nathan continued to argue.  
  
   
  
Bradley Talmadge was still laughing and unsuccessfully tried to make a serious statement again: "I think Frank Parker is really enough valid excuse! Let them enjoy these days together! Frank promised to be back on next Monday for our usual 9 o'clock meeting and I think so will Olga. And in case of emergency we know where to find them! So please let us finish this discussion and return to our work again!"  
  
   
  
   
  
Wednesday, November 28th, 8.50 p.m., "The Lake View Cottages", Lake Tahoe:  
  
   
  
The last days had been wonderful! Pure romance! Frank and Olga had shared, cherished and treasured every single moment of their togetherness! They had so much to talk about, so many things still unmentioned between them; they couldn't get enough of each other. A strong ribbon of love, devotion and desire had been tied up between them.  
  
   
  
These last days were all made of long walks at the waterside of the Lake Tahoe; early morning walks in the cold and foggy November air over autumnal lanes damp and covered with beautiful coloured leaves of already naked trees sometimes taking a rest on a dreamy bench or on an abandoned land way stage; evenings in front of the open fire in the fireplace of their rented cottage and their nights made in heaven.  
  
   
  
They were sitting on the floor dressed in jeans and thick pullovers between warm and cosy blankets and lots of pillows supplied with whine, fruit and all the other necessary little things for a warm and homelike evening. They had found this little Italian delicatessen store in a side street of Tahoe City and bought everything they wished including a big piece of Frank's favorite cheese, Provolone.  
  
   
  
They sat there snuggled up and simply looked at each other softly touching to make sure that the other was real. They had found such a state of complied bliss barely unbelievable. None of them had ever thought or even only for a moment dared to think to find a person who fitted so perfectly completing the other so totally. Unbelievable that a daredevil lone alpha wolf named Frank B. Parker needed a sometimes a bit too cool and professional, logical thinking Russian scientist to give him back the meaning of his life, the reason for living, the reason and will to survive each backstep, fighting to return to her and even not to give up killed in an accident when his blue sphere was sabotaged by a cowardly avaricious mechanic who was bribed by members of a South-American Drug Cartel only supported by a blind old alcoholic named Barney. It was just like they had found each others missing half of soul and body.  
  
   
  
Olga was sitting in front of Frank between his legs, her knees drawn up her back rested on his chest and his arms were hooked in front of her belly. He was softly nibbling at her right ear.  
  
   
  
"Frank?" she turned her head to look into his eyes.  
  
   
  
"Mmmh", he mumbled trying to nibble on her neck now.  
  
   
  
"Do you know how much I love you?"  
  
   
  
He smiled at her and she could see these little devils dancing in the corners of his eyes and replied provocatively:  
  
   
  
"No!! … Suppose you show me!"  
  
   
  
With a start she turned away from him grasped the next pillow and threw it vehemently against his chest.  
  
   
  
"You … you little rascal!" she yelled and started to throw every single pillow in her reach.  
  
   
  
Frank flopped onto his back laughing out loud and tried to fight off her pillow attacks. They rolled over the blankets wriggled about each other until Frank finally let her win.  
  
   
  
Still laughing, the tears running down his cheeks and desperately trying to catch his breath again he looked up into Olga's eyes. Never seeing him before so happy, so much laughing, so blissful and contented she sat on his chest totally out of breath too and had pinned his arms on the floor:  
  
   
  
"Olga, please have mercy on me! You've won!"  
  
   
  
Not really successfully she pretended to be still furious and replied:  
  
   
  
"Okay! In any case I need an opponent – not a victim!" and kissed him passionately invading his mouth with her tongue but still pinned his arms on the floor.  
  
   
  
She finally gave his arms free, drew him up a bit towards her and stripped his pullover off. She started to kiss his neck softly biting him. He pulled her close to him and took off her pullover and bra and started to unzip her jeans. She gave him a little shove and he flopped onto his back again. This time he didn't try to sit up again.  
  
   
  
"I'll show you! You little rascal!"  
  
   
  
She bended over him and kissed his chest down to his belly button while she unbuttoned his jeans. She could taste the salty flavour of his skin. Their hot pillow fight had made them sweat. He closed his eyes his body tightened and he could not prevent a silent moan escaping his lips. Her caressing, the soft and tender touches of her hands and lips made him shiver. She was so sweet, so gentle and slowly, her persistent and provoking teasing raised his craving for accomplishment to an almost unbearable level until she finally had mercy on him and released him …  
  
   
  
Later Frank got quits with Olga tremendously …  
  
   
  
Now they were lying on the blankets Frank's head rested on Olga's lap. She gently ran her fingers through his dishevelled hair.  
  
   
  
"Frank, I think I need a shower!" She tenderly slipped out under him kissed him and raised. He turned and watched admiring her beautiful naked body.  
  
   
  
"Mmmh", he sighed, "do you think there is enough space in the shower cubicle for a still interested but very tired time traveller?"  
  
   
  
"I don't know but we can easily find out whether there is enough space and how tired this time traveller really is!"  
  
   
  
With a bright smile she offered him her hand to help him up. Standing in front of her he suddenly lifted her up and carried her up the stairs to the bathroom. His tiredness was completely wiped off and there was only burning interest left ….  
  
   
  
   
  
Thursday, November 29th, 9.20 a.m., "The Lake View Cottages", Lake Tahoe:  
  
   
  
Olga was awake. Her brain slowly started to work again. She was buried in her pillows and bedspread. Her right hand felt over the space alongside her. With a start she was wide-awake and realized that the pillows and the sheet were cold and empty, the cottage totally silent. No Frank in the bathroom, no Frank pottering in the kitchen preparing their breakfast.  
  
   
  
She looked around searching, feeling her heart bumping madly for an undefined and incomprehensible reason. She finally found this white piece of paper on his pillow:  
  
   
  
Good morning honey! We are almost out of food. Take the car and will buy something for breakfast. I'll be back soon! Frank  
  
   
  
She fell into her pillows almost out of breath listening to her heartbeat slowly returning to its usual speed. She sighed with deepest relief: "Thank God! Jesus for a moment I really thought I've had a dream!"  
  
   
  
She got up took a shower and dressed.  
  
   
  
   
  
Thursday, November 29th, 9.20 a.m., Tahoe City:  
  
   
  
Frank had awoke early this morning and decided to let Olga sleep. Silently searching the kitchen for some breakfast he had realized that he had to buy some food.  
  
   
  
Now he had been in this little delicatessen store and bought their breakfast. Carrying two filled paper-bags he came out of this store. On the way back to the car something attracted his attention. He stopped in front of a small store-window inspected the exhibited and a bright smile lightened his face. He entered.  
  
   
  
Two minutes later he came out again walking on the sidewalk whistling when a car came down the street much too fast and already skidding on the partly ice-coated street.  
  
   
  
He had not even the faintest chance to recognize the approaching disaster behind his back. When he heard the car behind him he turned to look what was happening and could only helplessly see the driver desperately trying to gain control again but he failed and the car skidded over the sidewalk towards him, hit him, lifted him up, whirled him more than 6 yards through the air and finally stopped with a horrifying loud bang in the middle of this little store Frank just had left.  
  
   
  
Gratefully already unconscious but with a fragmentally last thought about Olga Frank struck the ground tremendously with a bone-braking sound and kept lying on the street like a ragged doll.  
  
   
  
With a cry some passengers noticed what had happened - the full size of the tragedy and ran over to the body that lie there like dead between the paper- bags and its content scattered over the ground. The driver of the car climbed out dazedly and ran over to him too. What he saw made him freeze.  
  
   
  
Frank's unconscious body lie there curiously distorted; obviously his left leg broken. Slowly a thin red thread of blood ran out between his pale lips, grew and created a rapidly increasing pool of blood beneath his head.  
  
   
  
Somebody had called the police and an ambulance. Only a few minutes later while helpful passengers had tried their best to perform first aid the police and the ambulance approached with sirens. A first-aid doctor and the ambulance men had put him on a stretcher lifted him into their car and under sirens they drove him to the hospital.  
  
   
  
The police officers recorded the accident examined the driver and the witnesses and gathered the content of the paper-bags. They already knew Frank's personal data; had found his NSA identity card in the pockets of his leather jacket and were discussing now what the hell a NSA secret agent was doing in Tahoe City when the owner of the Italian delicatessen store approached and told them about this lovable young couple spending a week a the "Lake View Cottages".  
  
   
  
   
  
Thursday, November 29th, 10.40 a.m., "The Lake View Cottages", Lake Tahoe:  
  
   
  
Olga was getting nervous and was impatiently pacing the living room to and fro. Her brain wasn't able to comprehend this jigsaw puzzle of foggily indistinct presentiment.  
  
   
  
When she heard a car approaching the cottage and shortly afterwards a knock on the door she heaved a sigh of relief and walked quickly over to the door:  
  
   
  
"Frank! Have you bought the whole store?" Opening the door she smiled in anticipation to see his beloved face, "where have you been so …..?"  
  
   
  
She froze her heart seemed to miss a beat she raised one hand to cover her mouth preventing a cry and put the other on her aching and painfully bumping heart.  
  
   
  
"No!", she yelled at the two seriously looking police officers standing in front of the door. Nearly out of conscious she could only whimper in complete panic again and again: "No, no, no ……!"  
  
   
  
The officers entered: "Mrs. Parker? Mrs. Parker!"  
  
   
  
A silent moan leaked out of her lips barely understandable: "Yes, I mean no, yes ….!"  
  
   
  
The two men grasped her and directed her to the next chair. One of them kneeled down pulled off her hands still covering her face and looked into her eyes:  
  
   
  
"Mrs. Parker your husband has had a car accident approximately an hour ago! As far as we can tell you he was seriously injured and was taken to the Tahoe City General Hospital. We have to pick you up and take you to the hospital! Would you please come with us?"  
  
   
  
Olga stood up speechless and grasped her coat in trance. She could not answer the police officers questions could not even cry, had no single tear, could not correct the officer that she was not Mrs. Parker, was not married, felt only an odd and weird nearly insane urge in the last corners of her brain to laugh about the fact that to be Mrs. Parker was all she had ever wanted, had hungered for, would have been so incomprehensible proud of. She was all made of heart-braking, bone-aching, unbearable and tremendous pain.  
  
   
  
   
  
Thursday, November 29th, 1.50 p.m., "Tahoe City General Hospital", Tahoe City:  
  
   
  
Olga was waiting in front of the doors of the operating theatre, sitting on a bench in the long, cold and sterile corridor.  
  
   
  
She did not recognize the busily hastening nurses and the doctors passing in front of her. She sat there totally dull, her brain totally unable to think only useful to maintain the necessary vital functions of her body.  
  
   
  
A young exhausted looking surgeon in an operation overall soaked with sweat approached her:  
  
   
  
"Mrs. Parker?! My name is Dr. Stone", his hand wiped off some pearls of sweat from his face, "I've operated on your husband and he is now on the intensive care unit!"  
  
   
  
Olga looked up into his eyes and asked tonelessly: "How is he?"  
  
   
  
Seriously the young surgeon answered: "He has his left leg broken twice rather complicated, broken his right arm. But what us troubles a little bit are the serious internal injuries and the loss of blood."  
  
   
  
She looked at him and said with an unsteadily voice: "Dr. … Stone, my name is Dr. Olga Vukavich, we are not married! We are ….. only …. friends! But please tell me the truth I am a doctor too and I am with the NSA!"  
  
   
  
"Dr. Vukavich, I think you should better follow me, " the surgeon nodded understanding.  
  
   
  
Olga stood up and wanted to follow him to the intensive care unit when she realized in the corner of her eye that the police officer who had told her about the accident approached her carrying a carton.  
  
   
  
"Mrs. Parker, I have there the remaining intact things your husband had bought. I thought you might need them!"  
  
   
  
He deposited the carton on the bench beside her, reached inside and handed her over as by a miracle intact the last thing Frank had bought this morning:  
  
   
  
A single beautiful white rose!  
  
   
  
Thursday, November 29th,? a.m., ?:  
  
   
  
A giant colossal fist grabbed him, raised him, rocked him, whirled him around and slapped him vehemently in a monstrous manner, like a toy no more useful, no more wanted, no more necessary. A giant avalanche in a merciless maelstrom, an enormous whirl, carried him away. The pain and agony he felt was unendurable. He fell into an abyss. Fell and fell into the unmerciful pitch-black darkness with a toneless endless scream to have mercy on him to stop the pain, to stop the torture.  
  
   
  
He had never been so awfully terrified, never been in such a panic in his whole life, nothing compares to this, neither Somalia nor the mine. There only the darkness and the loneliness had been his enemies, the pain had been gratefully neglect able due to his extremely high torture level. This pain was in his brain, in his veins and in his bones flooding in raging burning waves through his body. He could still feel his heart beat in his chest echoing in his ears even in every part of his body while he was still falling into this huge open jaw. And he was all made of torture now. Every single fibre of his body ached now, felt like on a traction bench, stretched and torn to pieces. He was still falling, falling into the ultimate and absolute nothing and finally reached the bottom of this nothing.  
  
   
  
He could vaguely feel now that he was still alive. Alive? He was trapped in a giant nothing so how could he be sure to be alive? He was surrounded by darkness. Everything seemed to be so unreal, so unimportant now. What was real, what was important? He didn't know. He knew nothing. Something flashed passed his face, a foggy vague picture: Olga?  
  
   
  
   
  
Thursday, November 29th, 1.50 p.m., "Tahoe City General Hospital", Tahoe:  
  
   
  
Olga took the rose and pressed it against her chest. With a start hit by a burning flash she felt the endless hurt. Now, finally she could weep. She cried a river. The tears ran over her face without stopping, salty floods.  
  
   
  
The police officer hugged her in a caring and concerned manner, tried to solace and becalm her. The surgeon and the police officer supported her, took her to a hospital room and the surgeon decided to give her a tranquillizer so she fell into an anaesthetic dreamless sleep only intermitted by occasional deep sobs.  
  
   
  
Four hours later, Olga was still sleeping in this hospital room; silently the surgeon entered her room to look after her. The light he had to switch on woke her up and with a deep sigh and a confused look in her face, it took her a few seconds to remember what had happened, she rose. The doctor sat down beside her on the bed.  
  
   
  
"Dr. Vukavich, how are you?"  
  
   
  
Olga answered tiredly; the white rose still pressed against her chest and with her other hand she wiped over her eyes:  
  
   
  
"As fine as I can be under these circumstances! Thank you! I want to see Frank! How is he now? How long have I slept? What time is it now? It's rather dark outside!"  
  
   
  
"It's 6 p.m. We had to set him into an artificial coma. His condition is more or less stable at the moment but to be honest I am not able to guarantee that he will survive this night. His chances are not very good. And certainly you can see him but only for a few minutes! I'll show you where!"  
  
   
  
She stood up and followed the doctor quickly impatient to see Frank. The doctor took her to the intensive care unit and showed her the door of Frank's room. She entered silently.  
  
   
  
The room was dark except a small lamp burning beside his bed and the dimmed green light of the machines' monitors for cardiac rhythm, pulse-beat, breathing and cerebral function, emitting a continuing pulsating beep. A short glance over the bed was enough and again tears sparkled in her eyes. She had expected the worst but to see this misery to be confronted directly was nearly more she could stand despite her professional training and knowledge.  
  
   
  
He was lying there his right forearm and left leg in plaster fixed in racks hanging from the ceiling, needles in his left intact arm to support him with vital infusions to stabilize his condition and with the drugs necessary to uphold him in artificial coma; some thin plastic lines out of his nose to breath for him. The right side of his head was swollen the eye completely closed and glimmering in a mixture of different colours from red to almost black.  
  
   
  
She went to the bed bended over his unconscious body and touched his cracked and damaged lips with a kiss so soft and gentle like a feather when the nurse came in and silently hinted her to leave him alone now. Olga nodded reluctantly and followed her unwillingly out of the room.  
  
   
  
In the corridor she addressed the nurse her cadence neither left any doubt about her resoluteness nor that she would tolerate contradiction:  
  
   
  
"I'll stay! Would you please tell Dr. Stone that I am not willing to leave and please bring a chair?"  
  
   
  
The nurse nodded and turned to fetch the chair and some food obviously this determined lady would have a very long night. Now Olga had to fulfil a sad duty to inform Bradley Talmadge about Frank's accident and present condition.  
  
   
  
   
  
Thursday, November 29th, 6.20 p.m., Dr. Bradley Talmadge's office (NNL):  
  
   
  
Bradley Talmadge was sitting at his desk in front of him his regular evening glass of whiskey, his burning cigar was deposited in the ashtray and viewing some documents when a furious Nathan Ramsey stormed into his office. Ramsey stood there with dishevelled hair, his sleeves rolled up, his tie loosened, and the first two buttons of his white shirt open the incarnation of an avenging angel and waved with a rather long list in his right hand:  
  
   
  
"Sir! Do you know what I hold in my hand? This is Parker's last accounting of his Titanium Card! Do you know what this little bastard paid with the taxpayers' money over the last two months?"  
  
   
  
He wanted to continue his barrage of abuse when the ring of Talmadge's phone interrupted him:  
  
   
  
"Sir, Dr. Olga Vukavich is on the phone I'll put her through!" the base switchboard operator said zealously.  
  
   
  
Pressing the loudspeaker button of his phone Talmadge welcomed her smiling:  
  
   
  
"Olga how are you? One of my favorite turtle-doves!"  
  
   
  
He froze with a start when he heard the sobs from the other end of the line.  
  
   
  
"Bradley, I have to inform you, Frank …..", Olga's voice broke. For a moment she was not able to continue and started to weep again.  
  
   
  
Ramsey could not stop to interrupt her rudely: "What did this insane breed Parker do now? Lose all the money for your little vacation break at a poker game?"  
  
   
  
Bradley looked daggers at Ramsey: "Nate! Please shut up and let Olga tell us what she wanted to let us know!"  
  
   
  
Bradley was absolutely sure that there must had been something very serious he had never seen or heard Olga in such a state of panic and desperation.  
  
   
  
"Bradley, Frank had an accident! He is at the hospital, the intensive care unit!" Olga continued under sobs.  
  
   
  
"My God Olga! How is he? What happened exactly and where are you now?"  
  
   
  
Bradley Talmadge was deeply frightened and shocked and Nathan Ramsey stood there the list still in his hand but he had turned pale as the white wall behind him looking like a picture of guilty conscience because of his thoughtless comment.  
  
   
  
"Frank is at the Tahoe City General Hospital and I am too. A skidding car hit him just the moment Frank came out of a store in Tahoe City! He has his arm and leg broken a serious concussion but what is more fatal he has internal injuries and they had to set him into an artificial coma to stabilize his condition. I'll stay with him, they allowed me to sit at his bed!" Olga' voice sounded a bit more collected now.  
  
   
  
"Okay Olga! Stay there! We will check and see what we can do! And please, Olga, calm down, Frank is a tough guy and won't give up so fast!" Bradley Talmadge was uncertain whether his last statement had sounded very convincing.  
  
   
  
"But Bradley, he might not survive this night. I have to go back to him now! I'll talk to you later!" She hung up abruptly and rushed back to Frank's room.  
  
   
  
The list slowly - like in slow motion - slipped out of Ramsey's hands and was now unnoticed and not longer of any logical relevance lying on the floor. Simply a piece of paper listing a long row of numbers.  
  
   
  
"Sir, if I'd only knew …. I'd never ….", Ramsey cut off shattered.  
  
"Nate, I know!" Talmadge reassured him leaving no doubt about the loyalty and the true nature of his Chief of Security and continued quietly: "Nate, please inform the other members of our team. I want to see them in the briefing room in 15 minutes and set the base on yellow alert!"  
  
   
  
"Yes Sir!" he turned to leave the room but stopped in the doorframe – hesitant.  
  
   
  
"Sir, if Parker dies, I won't have a pain to yell at anymore", shook his head in simple disbelief and continued "no! A Parker never dies!" Turned without waiting for an answer and left the room to inform the others.  
  
   
  
Bradley Talmadge thoughtfully looked after him, frowning.  
  
   
  
   
  
Thursday, November 29th, 6.45 p.m., Briefing room (NNL):  
  
   
  
In deep concern about the sudden order to meet at the briefing room instant Dr. Isaac Mentnor, Captain Craig Donovan and Andrew Owsley already sat around the table in tense anticipation when Bradley Talmadge and Nathan Ramsey entered the room. Ramsey - totally uncustomary - silently sat down and Talmadge kept staying in front of the table. He looked into the familiar faces of his team members and began:  
  
   
  
"Gentlemen, this is to inform you that I've just had a telephone conversation with Dr. Vukavich! Frank has had an accident and is now at the hospital. He is seriously injured and Dr. Vukavich has told me that ….. that he might not survive this night!" This little break in his speech showed that he was in deep concern.  
  
   
  
For a moment the others sat there silent. Eventually a bewildered Donovan started to speak again:  
  
   
  
"Frank had an accident? But how?"  
  
   
  
"As far as I know a skidding car hit him when he left a store. Craig, you will immediately leave for Tahoe City General Hospital! Frank is there on the intensive care unit and Olga is with him. I want you to stay there and help Olga. In case that Frank's condition gets better, we will have to prove whether and when we can arrange to move him to our Medical Department here at the Base! We do have some of the best specialists in the whole country!"  
  
   
  
And with a serious look at the others he continued, "in the meantime, Owsley will check the Medical Data Bank of the Hospital and the police report so we will know what exactly happened and how serious Parker's condition is!"  
  
   
  
"The poor boy!" Mentnor remarked feeling.  
  
   
  
"Sir – with all due respect – I don't think to send Donovan is a good idea!" Ramsey said seriously.  
  
   
  
"Are you crazy?" Donovan jumped up: "I always knew you can't stomach him even hate him! But I'd never thought this would go so far!" His voice cracked: "He is my best friend more a brother! He needs me and I know whom I owe my loyalty! Nobody really nobody can hinder me to go to him!" Donovan spotted nearly willing to kill Ramsey.  
  
   
  
"Captain Donovan! I warn you! Nobody questions my loyalty! I admit I regret several things I said to him!" Ramsey interrupted him sharp and hotheaded.  
  
   
  
"Several things?" Donovan laughed contemptuous.  
  
   
  
"In deed believe it or not I think he is the most courageous man I've ever known! It is an honour to serve with him! Do you really think I would be happy to hear this?" Ramsey answered grumpy but he was very matter-of-fact about it.  
  
   
  
Everybody was silent for a moment. You could hear a pin drop. They must know, must have ever known. Despite being worse than Cerberus in his usual manner harsh, sharp and quickly firing up, being a rough diamond, basically Ramsey was good and the best Chief of Security you could imagine. Both were facing each other like fighting cocks now.  
  
   
  
"Donovan! Ramsey!" Isaac Mentnor took the floor in his well known imperturbable and superior style.  
  
   
  
"Ramsey is absolutely right! Craig if you think it over you must agree! We can't take even the smallest risk that something could happen to you, our second chrononaut! And therefore the only person alive who is able to help him now! We have to wait and to check the alternatives but a chrononaut so seriously injured is by hook or crook to compare with dead! So in case we have to do a backstep you will be the only one who is able to backstep! This is what Ramsey meant!"  
  
   
  
Ramsey answered determined:  
  
   
  
"Yes and be sure I know whom I owe my loyalty too! I'd never thought to say this one day but you will stay here at the Base! If necessary – under arrest!"  
  
   
  
Bradley Talmadge sighed deeply: "This is hard but it is the best and only way to help Frank! I'll have to inform the NSA Panel and we have to wait for Olga's next call!"  
  
   
  
Andrew Owsley sat there in silence trying to handle what he had heard, trying to manage that the man he adored so much was in danger of his life, might even die.  
  
   
  
"I'll tap the Medical Data Bank of the hospital and the Police Data Bank! So we will definitely know Parker's condition and if there is still a small chance left!" He said eagerly.  
  
   
  
Talmadge added: "You should check our Secret Service sources too together with Ramsey. Maybe this accident was an attack on the chrononaut and project backstep we have to consider every possibility!"  
  
   
  
Bradley Talmadge addressed Ramsey: "Nathan, lock Captain Donovan down! This is only to guarantee that you won't do a foolish thing Craig!"  
  
   
  
Ramsey silently hinted Donovan to follow him at his quarters. When he saw that Donovan still hesitated he added:  
  
   
  
"Captain Donovan you can do this voluntary or by force! It's your choice!"  
  
   
  
Donovan heaved a sigh of resignation nodded and followed Ramsey unwillingly.  
  
   
  
Bradley Talmadge finished the meeting: "As soon as I know more, I'll let you know!"  
  
   
  
The others stood up and left the room each of them aware of what they had to do now.  
  
   
  
   
  
Friday, November 30th, 9.00 a.m., Briefing room (NNL):  
  
   
  
Donovan had been locked up the whole night. Two armed Delta Force guards showing harsh and determined expressions on their faces stood in front of his door and left no doubt of their resoluteness to follow their order.  
  
   
  
So he had enough time to think. Now he was able to understand Frank Parker's emotions. He always tried to seize the first opportunity to slip away in contradiction to Donovan who had accepted and subordinated the unavoidable.  
  
   
  
It's hard to be locked up! God, buddy, how hard must that be for you somebody suffering from claustrophobia! Not only to be trapped at the whole Base in any case but being locked up in your quarters like a wild animal in its cage! Next time I swear I won't scold I'll help you!   
  
   
  
He fetched a canned beer opened it and sat down on his bed. Sipping at his beer the memories passed his eyes: their joint SEAL 's training, their comrades and the joint black operations. He had to smile and from time to time involuntary he had to laugh silently. He sat there for hours thinking of his best friend and unable to sleep.  
  
   
  
Now Ramsey had ordered the two guards to escort him to the briefing room. The others were already there tired and exhausted but deeply in discussion. Talmadge had told them that Parker's condition had not changed and had informed them about the results of Owsley's and Ramsey's investigations at the hospital data bank and the police report and about his telephone conversation with the NSA Panel so they had full knowledge now and were already discussing the alternatives.  
  
   
  
Bradley Talmadge greeted him and waved him to sit down.  
  
   
  
"Good morning! Captain Donovan to bring you up to date here is a brief summarization of our discussion: I've had another call from Olga! Frank's condition hasn't changed! And this was an unfortunate accident - we could not find an indication for an attack!" And tiredly he continued:  
  
   
  
"And I had a very long controversial telephone conversation with the NSA Panel. They deny a backstep!"  
  
   
  
He looked at him in disbelief – after a few seconds – he shook his head and said tonelessly expressing everybody's feelings:  
  
   
  
"I can't believe this! What the hell is the reason for their decision?"  
  
   
  
"They don't think that Frank's accident is of national importance! Everybody is replaceable even the chrononaut. Project backstep is not endangered as long as there is a second chrononaut available. So they don't see the urge to save the other one!" Talmadge stated with a low voice.  
  
   
  
"This is what I in secret feared!" Mentnor nodded. He had listened without interrupting Talmadge.  
  
   
  
"But in my humble opinion the NSA Panel is wrong. There is a mistake in their logic! Project backstep needs two chrononauts in case something happens to the first the second must be able to stand in!"  
  
   
  
Talmadge nodded and continued where Mentnor finished: "They know this very well too! But they told me to look for a replacement! As long as there is still a second chrononaut left – they don't want to waste element 115 for the other one who might not survive and they don't want to wait for a possible recovery which might take months!"  
  
   
  
His body tightened and he continued resolutely:  
  
   
  
"Gentleman, we have to come up with a decision on our own! Frank's condition is serious and as far as we know will not change during the next days! It could not even be worse if he would be dead! In case we have an emergency and to do a backstep now we only have one chrononaut left and no further trump available. If something happens to our second chrononaut – we have no possibility to interfere! We've already had this risk during Parker's first backsteps until Donovan had finished his training. To pick up our yesterday's discussion – I am sure those present know whom their loyalty belongs to! For all Parker had done for the whole mankind and us we owe him our loyalty!" and with a short glance around the table finally his look rested on Donovan.  
  
   
  
"We have the bounden duty and it's senseless to wait! Captain Donovan suit up! It's time to backstep with or without approval!"  
  
   
  
"Bradley I assure you my full support! There is no alternative left! We can't wait either that he recovers – this might take months – or that he dies. This unacceptable too! And last but not least I am not eager to look for a new chrononaut!" Mentnor stated his point of view.  
  
   
  
Ramsey sighed devotedly:  
  
   
  
"Obviously I've just volunteered to go on grapping with this arrogant bigmouth!"  
  
   
  
Andrew Owsley jumped up and smiled at them:  
  
   
  
"I'll prepare the backstep! Donovan you have 30 minutes!"  
  
   
  
   
  
Friday, November 30th, 9.50 a.m., Sphere Hangar (NNL):  
  
   
  
They all had agreed to turn back the wheel of time only for the absolutely necessary period of 28 ½ hours. They didn't want to undo the last seven days and therefore to blast all the events and possibly change the slowly growing relationship between Parker and Olga. And this would be enough time to warn Parker.  
  
   
  
Donovan was already sitting in the sphere dressed in this orange suit usually Parker wore and checking the instruments waiting for the command to engage. He sat there his helmet closed and felt the soft but growing tremble of the blue sphere.  
  
   
  
The others including an additional technical engineer had taken their seats in the control room high above behind safety glass and were busily checking their monitors and reading the instruments.  
  
   
  
The trembling increased and Donovan could hear Owsley's voice through the loudspeakers of his helmet:  
  
   
  
"Reactor at 50 %!"  
  
   
  
Now he felt like riding a bull at a rodeo. Still the bull was corralled and trapped behind wooden gates producing hot blasts of breath through his blown nostrils, in a towering rage infuriated pawing his hoofs over the ground with malevolent bloodshot eyes impatiently waiting to be free, to get rid of his rider and to throw him off his back!  
  
   
  
This really frightened him. Was he able to ride this bull? To ride him like Frank Parker had always done?  
  
   
  
"Reactor at 75 %!" Owsley's countdown was unmerciful.  
  
   
  
Donovan looked straight into the camera. The others could see his concentrated face and the growing statement of fear in his eyes. Though he gave them a thumb up.  
  
   
  
"Wow, this is really hot! I've done so many tests but reality is unrivalled!" Donovan tried to joke.  
  
   
  
Jesus! Frank I always wanted to do a backstep myself. I was always jealous! You were the hero, the knight in shining armour who saved the world each time! And I? I was always second rate quality. I played the second fiddle! Heaven, I even hated you sometimes!   
  
   
  
"Reactor at 90 %!" Again he could hear Owsley's voice.  
  
   
  
"Godspeed Craig!" Bradley Talmadge wished him luck.  
  
   
  
"Reactor at 100 %! Engage!"  
  
   
  
And with this command he pressed the button and the sphere started off, shimmering in a dazzling blue light, little flashes spinning around and wrapping the blue ball in raving frantic waves of electricity. With a last rear up the blue ball faded with a threatening furious and deafening hum.  
  
   
  
The bull was free!  
  
   
  
Donovan felt like torn into pieces. Something indefinable and incomprehensible had gripped him, thrilled him, and tried to turn his inside out, tried to destroy him and to eradicate him. The pain was everywhere; his brain was fried and seemed to explode in a sparkling fiery red detonation. His body was roasted alive, slowly and appreciatively – flesh and blood.  
  
   
  
The blood in his veins was a molten burning stream of lava. This something was vicious, mischievous and evil, seething with hatred and tried to drive daggers into his body, tried to gore him and to impale him alive.  
  
   
  
He was not longer able to ride this bull, to hold the joystick in his hands and control him. The excruciating torment reached a level not longer bearable. Torture surrounded him, invaded every fibre of his body in merciless, immense and ungracious cruelty, while the wheel of time was turned back in endless seeming fragments of seconds. First slow than faster and faster.  
  
   
  
The instruments showed that the bull though trying to crush his rider, to trample him to death, trying to kill him, did his duty, worked precisely, imperturbable and unswerving.  
  
   
  
He screamed. He screamed his soul off and finally lost consciousness.  
  
   
  
And the bull obeyed. He returned to his corral out of breath but like a faithful loyal and trusty dog. He appeared in the hangar with a last rebellious stamp of his hoofs.  
  
   
  
The bull was at home!  
  
   
  
   
  
Thursday, November 29th, 4.50 a.m., Sphere hangar (NNL):  
  
   
  
The blue sphere arrived at its starting point humming and wrapped in a flash of light. The humming faded and died. The lights in the hangar went on startled and an alarm began to announce the recent backstep.  
  
   
  
Busy technicians and mechanics were already fixing and checking the blue ball when Talmadge, Ramsey, Mentnor and Owsley came running down the hallway, all dressed either in pyjamas or currently slipping on their jackets.  
  
   
  
"A backstep?" The unison question!  
  
   
  
"Where is Donovan?" A slightly confused Ramsey looked around the hangar.  
  
   
  
The technicians opened the sphere and the chrononaut staggered outside. They had to support him.  
  
   
  
"Not the best landing Parker!" Ramsey grinned sardonically.  
  
   
  
Waiting in anticipation what Parker would tell them, they froze. The chrononaut in his orange suit taking off his helmet and falling onto his knees was Captain Craig Donovan.  
  
   
  
The first who recovered his self-possession was Bradley Talmadge.  
  
   
  
"Craig, what happened? Why you? Where is Parker?"  
  
   
  
Donovan was still on his knees and could only answer by supreme effort:  
  
   
  
"Parker had an accident! This was the reason why we decided that I should backstep to undo this!"  
  
   
  
They looked at each other shocked and affected.  
  
   
  
"Frank will have an accident in …", he looked at his watch, "…. in 4 ½ hours. A car accident - I think we should meet at the briefing room. There I will let you know all the details! It's still enough time left to warn him!" Donovan tried to rise and finally succeeded.  
  
   
  
"Craig, are you okay?" Talmadge asked worried.  
  
   
  
"Yeap, I am but I am really not eager to do this again! Wow! It felt like riding a wild bull at a rodeo! Only a thousand times worse!" Donovan sighed.  
  
   
  
They smiled at him sympathetically and Talmadge added:  
  
   
  
"Okay, I want to see everybody in the briefing room! Let's say in 30 minutes?"  
  
   
  
   
  
Thursday, November 29th, 5.30 a. m., Briefing room (NNL):  
  
   
  
The backstep team had gathered at the briefing room including a very exhausted looking Donovan who had taken a quick shower and changed his clothing. Now he wore his usual military dress again and had informed the members about the accident and what they had to face.  
  
   
  
"Craig, I think you should call Frank!" Talmadge stated, "Your are his best friend and therefore it's only logical you make it your business to inform him!"  
  
   
  
Donovan nodded and grasped the phone he dialled the number Parker had left on this little paper which was pinned on Ramsey's door.  
  
   
  
Impatiently waiting for an answer he paced the room to and fro.  
  
   
  
Come on!   
  
   
  
Finally he heard a completely sleepy and drowsy Frank Parker mumble:  
  
   
  
"Mmmph?"  
  
   
  
"Frank! Thank God! Good to hear your voice buddy! How are you?" He asked with a radiant smile in his face.  
  
   
  
"Donovan?" A questioning grunt followed. "Do you know what time it is? It's in the middle of night!"  
  
   
  
"Yeap!"  
  
   
  
With a start Frank was wide-awake now, sat up in his bed and was cruelly disillusioned now. He shouted completely forgetting about Olga, who was still sleeping alongside him.  
  
   
  
"Craig! You are not going to tell me that I have to do a damned backstep! Not this time!"  
  
   
  
"No! We dealt with this problem!"  
  
  
  
Suddenly aware that he had rudely awakened Olga he continued whispering:  
  
  
  
"Come on! What else? Stop to put me to the rack! Spit it out!"  
  
   
  
Donovan sighed and explained every single detail of this backstep and therefore the reason for his early call disturbing their sleep none too gently.  
  
   
  
Olga wiped over her face moaned and raised on her elbows.  
  
   
  
"Is this Donovan? What's up?"  
  
   
  
Frank looked at her and shrugged his shoulders covering the receiver with his left hand:  
  
"Nothing special! He wanted to take the piss out of me!"  
  
   
  
There is not much force in that!   
  
   
  
Olga was suspicious now but offered no comment on his answer.  
  
   
  
"Frank?" Donovan asked in concern. "Would you please do me a favour? Be careful today! Don't get into trouble this time at least once in your life!"  
  
   
  
"Um …, okay, I'll do my very best! I never look for trouble! Trouble always finds me!" He tried to joke. "Buddy, thanks!" And he put down.  
  
   
  
He fell back into his pillow wiping his hands over his face began to rub his chin thoughtfully and stared at the ceiling.  
  
   
  
Olga turned, sat up and drew her knees up. She looked at him frowning.  
  
   
  
"Frank, please tell me the truth! Why did Donovan call?"  
  
   
  
He really didn't want to lie – usually never lied to anybody and especially not to her – but he decided to choose the lesser evil. He didn't want to hurt her to make her sad worrying about him.  
  
   
  
"I've already told you! He tried to take the piss out of me!" He said short leaving no doubt that there was no further explanation to expect!  
  
   
  
Olga was still suspicious.  
  
   
  
He lied! I thought he'd never lie to me! Why should Donovan call in the middle of night? This lame excuse, his short tone, something terrible must have happened and he doesn't want to worry me! And if they don't want him to backstep …..   
  
   
  
Suddenly she knew! The fragments of this conversation she had overheard made sense to her. A vague suspicion invaded her brain like slow poison preying upon her mind nesting in every cerebral turn corroding and probing. And now she knew!  
  
   
  
Frank! Frank is the reason! For heaven's sake – something happened to him!   
  
   
  
The sudden pain nearly killed her stuck like a dagger in her heart, she was on the verge of tears now, could not stop them. She looked into his eyes but the room was still too dark to recognize neither their colour nor read an statement.  
  
   
  
He was alarmed at the tears slowly running down her cheeks. She sobbed and buried her head at his chest. She hugged him felt his strong muscles under her hands and her body. Her tears dropped down his chest and he felt her trembling, her fingernails clutching into his muscles. He ran his right hand softly through her hair pressed her to his chest, tried to comfort her, to soothe her and to ease her pain well aware that she knew the true reason of this call. He sighed, kissed her hair totally perplexed and overwhelmed that he must be the reason for her grief and sorrow. She raised her head and looked at him through a curtain of red-brown hair and with her dark-brown eyes blurred by tears. He fondly pushed a string of hair back, his touches so delicate and loving. She grasped his hand and kissed the palm. He softly drew her up to him; putting his left hand behind her neck he kissed her tenderly a mute appeal to forgive him, an apology for hurting her so much, for being the reason of her sadness.  
  
   
  
For the moment this was the only way that came into his mind to distract her, to ward off further insisting questions and he deepened his kiss. He continued to caress her. He kissed her delicately but passionately. His lips became more demanding now. After a while he was barely able to rein his desire. Increasing the intensity of his touches and his kisses he erased every thought that tried to form in her mind. She moaned softly and pressed her body against his, asking for more, begging him, inviting him and turning him on. Ultimately he succeeded in distracting her and at last himself when he made love to her and they began to move in complete harmony, compensating each other in pure love and deepest affection.  
  
   
  
   
  
Thursday, November 29th, 9.20 a.m., "The Lake View Cottages", Lake Tahoe:  
  
   
  
He was awake for more than an hour now lying in the afterglow of their lovemaking. Olga was snuggled against his chest and sleeping. And with a short glance on his watch he realised that this was the moment he had to avoid. The accident in Tahoe City!  
  
   
  
He was very grateful that they had only backstepped a bit more than a day and taken into account that he was with Olga. They hadn't blasted this beginning relationship and finally obeyed the unavoidable acknowledging that obviously they were more than only colleagues. But now he had another problem! Not only that he had to deal with his accident and the results - this was hard enough but there was Olga. She did not know the true reason for this backstep but she was certainly very well aware that this had to do with him. She could easily calculate that if Donovan had to backstep Frank Parker was not able for a reason that must be more important than a few days off the Base spending a little vacation break together with her at Lake Tahoe. Usually the backstep team wasn't this tactfully to let the chrononaut enjoy his vacation and send the second one if things were screwed up to undo a disaster.  
  
   
  
Well, what do I do now? He sighed deeply and continued to think.  
  
   
  
Simply ignore the call and uphold the lie? Forget it! Olga is much too intelligent to believe this! Okay, go on distracting her! Idiot! Who do you think you are? Superman? No, only the Blue Avenger! This is even far beyond Parker ability – very nice idea anyhow!   
  
   
  
He had to smile. The Blue Avenger – Walter had called him this way.  
  
   
  
No, not even the Blue Avenger! Okay old mate think! What about telling her the truth if she asks? Next Monday when we are back in Never Never Land she will find out in any case. So this little white lie will burst like a soap bubble at the latest on Monday morning. Yes, I think this is the best! Let's see what happens than, maybe she has already calmed down and let it rest!   
  
   
  
He could not continue these thoughts because Olga woke up and stretched with a slight moan.  
  
   
  
   
  
Wednesday, December 12th, 6.50 a.m., (NNL) somewhere on the base area:  
  
   
  
Over the past 2 and a half weeks Frank Parker had been on cloud number nine – on one side. But there are two sides to everything. He had talked to Olga and had explained the reasons for his little white lie on this fatal Thursday morning in November. He had talked to her the same morning without being asked for an explanation – voluntary, honest and open. He had tried to find the right words to let her know what had happened to him but this was harder than he had thought at first sight. It's always hard to talk to a beloved person about displeasingly things and particularly to tell this person what will happen in the future if this future is already history.  
  
   
  
First she had been annoyed even enraged. Then she had been sad but in the end she had understood his motivation and had only been worried about what had happened to him. But finally she had accepted and faced the truth. A truth she hand known for ever that even a Frank Parker is not invulnerable or immortal despite project backstep or just therefore. So far so good!  
  
   
  
Now he was jogging. Reeling off automatically his usual everyday 15 miles programme on this cold and inconvenient December morning he wasted no thought about the frostiness of this morning, did not even feel the damp and ice-cold air had no look for the rough beauty of this barren but somehow appealing landscape and ignored the autumnal lanes under his feet covered with the beautiful leaves of the naked trees. This landscape was somehow morbid but in a perverted way fascinating and reflecting the actual state of his brain. He was deep in thought.  
  
   
  
This was the other side!  
  
   
  
From this damned Thursday morning on roughly a fortnight ago he could not stop thinking about what had happened to him. Once again! Trouble had found Frank Parker! Trouble had always found him. This time it was his turn again. Maybe the Devil had his hands in this weird game. Recently he made him enemy of the state number one and in the end he lost. Again. This time he had been snatched from the jaws of death again with the help of project backstep. Or was this only a monstrous product of his insane mind?  
  
   
  
From the very beginning of his life he had been in trouble. Raised by nuns at the orphanage in Philadelphia as a teenager he had to decide either to go to jail because of a foolish thing some of his friends had dragged him into or to accept the sometimes a bit strange education methods of Father Kelly a boxing priest of the nearby church. He decided in favour of Father Kelly. Ex post facto this was one of the best decisions in his whole life. Not only the boxing but also the whole education. Then he became a Navy SEAL and married Patricia.  
  
   
  
Good decision too Parker! But you screwed up your marriage loose cannon!   
  
   
  
The black operations he had participated in for example Chittagong - the brainwashing to manipulate him for their purposes - and finally this goddamned day that had almost killed him in Somalia. They had captured him the only one alive of his unit and trapped him in this heat box. After seven days without water vegetating like an animal in this heat box he nearly lost his mind. Donovan had found him and freed him. He suffered a nervous breakdown and the SEALS headquarters decided to send him to Hanson Island, a CIA institution for mental ill soldiers and special agents. And in the end after two years staying at Hanson Island two men in black had visited him, tested him and told him if he would agree to carry out a special operation, he would be free! A very special operation! Project backstep in Never Never Land Nevada!  
  
   
  
This time he moaned loud. A despairing and miserable moan that revealed the true state of his poor tantalized soul. He stopped – breathless now squatted for a moment and rose again. He stood there turned round and viewed his surrounding, the Base – Never Never Land.  
  
   
  
Oh yes, this is the perfect name for this Base! Never Never Land! Dreamland! How can I be sure to be there? Where is there? Is this only an imagination caused by the medication in Hanson Island? Or is this real? Real? What the hell is real? For heaven's sake Parker how could you use the definition 'real' in Never Never Land! The word 'real' changes the meaning every day!   
  
   
  
He stood there close to despair! Close to despair of his mental condition.  
  
   
  
They had admit me to Hanson Island! Maybe I am still there! Locked up in one of these naked white rooms with only a plank bed and a washing facility under strong medication. So to speak as a laboratory rabbit abused and used for CIA reasons and aims! And Never Never Land is a dream. A living nightmare! A monstrous product of my own insane mind. A monstrous combination of freakiness and mental disease! How can I be sure that I haven't lost my mind?   
  
   
  
He laughed loud felt the insane urge to laugh and to weep simultaneously.  
  
   
  
He felt like onboard The Flying Dutchman. Crossing the oceans unswerving unearthly and fatal for all who met him since hundreds of years. Since eons. Skimming over the ocean in hushed silence in a foggy wafting cloud of calamity; a distorted picture of reality never wrecking on a reef. He was the wheelman of this goddamned cockleshell. The wheelman who tried to hold course not to be carried away in this giant maelstrom of real and unreal emotions waiting for him, lurking for him malfeasant, inviting him and attracting him as if by magic. Calling him to let go of and to drift away.  
  
   
  
This subconscious yearning was everywhere he went, whatever he did. Most of the time he successfully suppressed these thoughts. Most of the time!  
  
   
  
But now the wheelman was overboard. The merciless maelstrom of thoughts had caught him and carried him away.  
  
   
  
He was in a twilight zone now. Neither black nor white. Only grey. His own private hell! His brain was desperately fighting and struggling to realize what was real! But failed miserably!  
  
   
  
The inner conflict of his feelings slowly pulverized him, lacerated him with obvious enjoyment and the last remnant of hope dwindled to nothing.  
  
   
  
He sat down on an abandoned bench and buried his face in his hands. Running his hands through his hair slowly tears dropped down his face. Beautiful little drops glittering in the early morning sun like diamonds; each one a symbol for a lost hope, a sign of frustration, a faded moment of bliss and a simple statement of unbelievable, unbearable, unlimited grief and sorrow past all description.  
  
   
  
Never Never Land. Dreamland. This was the land of never ending nightmares. One Armageddon after the other like pearls on a string. He had seen his own son die and had stopped to count how many times he had to save every member of his team, the President, the whole world!  
  
   
  
Oh yes! Parker saves the President! Parker saves the world! Superman! You are an insane son of a bitch! This is odd weird and insane you crazy little bastard!   
  
   
  
Here in Never Never Land he had found what he had searched for his whole life: a family. Had he? A family? Wishful thinking! If Never Never Land was a dream, he was still in Hanson Island, alone, the way he had always been. Was this despairing boundless hope to find a family – was this wish the father to the thought?  
  
   
  
The waves of desperation dashed over him like the ocean over a drowning man. He feared to drown in this ocean of emotions, feared to go out of breath. He felt such a tremendous fear he was so scared that he might had to face that he was insane and still in Hanson Island. Insane! Insane! The word echoed in his ears.  
  
   
  
God have mercy on me! Help me! Please help me! He tried to scream. But this cry for help was only a toneless whisper.  
  
   
  
He was on the brink of insanity only a small step away from falling into this abyss of madness. A last gruelling test for this slushy substance, which still pertinacious insisted to be his brain.  
  
   
  
For heaven's sake Parker! If nothing what had happened over the past years was real why the hell should his friends be real? The members of his team? Olga? Why should you have slept with her? Why should you have been in Lake Tahoe? All these liquid dreams you had before – maybe this is just another one only a bit more detailed but still a dream!   
  
   
  
This was not the first time in these years in Never Never Land he had these thoughts. After every backstep after every Armageddon he had went through, he had survived he fell into this abyss. Each time a bit deeper. Each time the struggling to scramble up this abyss to reach the rim back to reality was harder. He had tried to drown and to suppress these thoughts mostly with the help of alcohol. Each time the result was the usual Parker hangover. But his brain denied forgetting. Even if he was pissed his brain never stopped to remind him. The hangover had never been a serious problem only an enormous headache and awful nausea, nothing what could not be cured by a half bottle of Aspirin.  
  
   
  
Maybe the simple reason for his so-called heroism was the subconscious wish to die. All these medals showing his courage only a symbol? An unknowing yearning for death? To be free. Finally free. Because long time ago he had lost his confidence and his faith. Sometimes after a backstep he sat on his bed, playing with his service weapon in his hands listening to a seductive little voice tempting him to pull the trigger, to stop everything, to stop this nightmare. Never Never Land in comparison with his former life was like trying to cure one evil with an even worse evil.  
  
   
  
Hey Superman! Blue Avenger! You of all people had been chosen to save the world! An orphan who plays God! Chosen to be the knight in shining armour with a blue ball being his warhorse and a beautiful and loving noblewoman at your side! Pure science fiction! What did you think some weeks ago? You thought you had dreamt her into your life? Exactly! This is what you are doing! Dreaming!   
  
   
  
He was close to the brink now. Very close! To whom should he talk about this terrible and horrifying fear? Olga? Donovan his best friend? Talmadge? Were they his friends, his reliable allies? The ones he could trust?  
  
   
  
If nothing is real they are not real too! And this is the heart of the matter! I am alone! I have always been alone! Despite being not real they will assure me that everything and everybody is real!   
  
   
  
The edge was very small between normality and insanity. He had always forced himself to balance over this edge without looking into this abyss. But the abyss was strong. The abyss was tugging at him and tried to pull him down. He was surrounded with grotesque and horrifying faces showing sardonic grins. The grimaces started to dance around him howling and laughing about his foolish senseless and desperate attempt to balance over this edge.  
  
   
  
But finally his boundless will to survive got the upper hand of these dreadful imaginations. He slowly returned to reality. He rose and wiped his hands over his face. He wiped away the glistening pearls of sweat and the tears and he continued jogging now heading for his quarters. Trembling and shaking bathed in sweat still tears sparkling in his eyes, he gained the victory over this abyss of insanity.  
  
   
  
This time!  
  
   
  
   
  
Tuesday, December 11th, 5.02 a.m., Frank Parker's quarters:  
  
   
  
1.1 Olga silently slipped out of his bed, carefully avoiding awaking him. She dressed and looked at him thoughtfully, loving and endlessly sad. He was one of the most handsome men she had ever met. But not only physically attractive because of his beautiful perfect body, the strong muscles and his handsome face, far more than that, he was highly intelligent, warm- hearted, sensible and caring, simply a wonderful person. She really loved him and watched him sleeping. Lying there on his belly he had hugged his pillow and was deeply sleeping sometimes softly moaning and slightly moving.  
  
1.2    
  
Since this romantic dinner invitation at the end of November he had won and had conquered her – now he possessed her heart her soul and her body. Since this Saturday in November they had a love affair and were not longer only colleagues. It had been unavoidable.  
  
   
  
She watched him sleeping, listened to his regular breath. It seemed so precious to her, so lovable. She loved his scent, his taste and she loved the way he loved her – unconditional.  
  
   
  
The heart of the matter was she loved him so much she would never endure to lose him. Retrospectively she had been told that this had already happened. She was grateful that she had not to go through this personally respective could not remember this. Once rather at the beginning she had to watch him suffering from a virus infection. He had made a backstep to save the whole world from being eradicated by the most dangerous virus on earth – an absolutely mortal modification of the Ebola virus – a true Armageddon. But he had been already infected and had brought back this diabolic plague of mankind. The scientists of AMRAAD a military institution for B and C weapons had saved his life as by a miracle.  
  
   
  
Because of the different timelines she could not remember how often and in how many ways Frank Parker himself had been a victim of project backstep, a victim of his orders to prevent the unavoidable. Last time he told her that this had happened one and a half weeks ago. He had had an accident. Not because of a backstep much more simple it had been a car accident during their joint vacation break at Lake Tahoe and he had been seriously injured nobody could have been sure that he would have survived.  
  
   
  
He had never talked to her before about his nightmares or the backsteps despite her sometimes insisting questions he had always put her off with a lame excuse to discuss this whenever. After Donovan's early call he had tried hide the true reason for this call and had told her a white lie. But later on – she had been very surprised - he had told her the truth – voluntarily.  
  
   
  
Now she had came up with a decision. Yesterday she had talked to Bradley Talmadge privately, had handed over her letter of resignation. She had explained her reasons and had asked him to accept her decision. He had listened carefully without interrupting her; he had accepted her resignation without the attempt to convince her to stay had accepted her demand that nobody should know where to find her and without telling her that this might be the biggest mistake of her life.  
  
   
  
What she had to do now broke her heart tore it into pieces and nearly killed her. But this was the only way out she could imagine. She had to leave him needed time to think over their relationship their love and their future. Was there still a future? She didn't know - not at the moment.  
  
   
  
In deepest sadness and nearly desperation she scolded herself to be a wretched coward to steal away at dead of night without talking to him explaining her reasons without looking him straight into his face without being honest and open. But she couldn't endure by no means to look into his serious face into these jade green eyes.  
  
   
  
She silently approached the bed being at pains not to awake him and put down a piece of paper a letter she had written from Olga with love. Amid tears she remembered every single moment of their last night together tried to memorize and to burn-in the smallest fragment of their lovemaking his delicate touches his warm lips every single part of his beloved face and his beautiful body his demanding as well so gentle kisses his ability to increase her desire to almost incredible limits. With a last longing look at him a mute appeal to forgive her, tears running over her face she turned and left the room.  
  
   
  
   
  
Tuesday, December 11th, 7.00 a.m., Frank Parker's quarters:  
  
   
  
An alarm clock went on and beeped with a nerve-racking penetrating sound. He felt for the alarm clock and turned it off. He stretched with a moan and turned on his back still drowsy he slowly realised that he was alone and the sheet beside him was already cold. Unsuspectingly he sat up and suddenly found the letter lying on the pillow beside him. He ran his fingers through his hair yawned reached for the letter and began to read it.  
  
   
  
My love!  
  
   
  
Please forgive me but when you read these lines I will already be gone! Don't try to find me! I can see no other way out but to leave you. I need time to collect my thoughts. At the moment I can neither live with you nor without you! Please please forgive me for hurting you so much for stealing away like a thief at dead of night but I am completely incapable of talking to you explaining my motives to you facing you and to look into your beloved face.  
  
   
  
I love you so much! My thoughts are with you!  
  
   
  
Olga  
  
   
  
He sat there petrified. Again and again he had to read these lines. Incapable to form a clear idea to understand what he had read. Slowly his brain began to work again to realise the total consequences of her letter. Time seemed to stand still. The pain in his heart reached a level past every description. It hit him like a shark attack – unforeseen perfidiously and cruel. It felt as if a giant fist had grasped his heart squashed it and tore it out. Probably this was his death sentence his final passport to insanity.  
  
   
  
In trance he rose. He had to be alone now had to collect his thoughts. The best way for being alone was jogging. Jogging always meant not to be accountable to anybody, not to be forced to explain anything. He dressed and left his quarters leaving behind the crumpled letter on his pillow.  
  
   
  
   
  
Tuesday, December 11th, 9.03 a.m., Briefing room (NNL):  
  
   
  
Frank Parker entered the room inclined his head only grunting a short 'good morning' and he flopped down in his chair as usual showing a inscrutable poker face.  
  
   
  
Nathan Ramsey looked at him making a face as if he had tasted something sour and could not keep from alluding to him:  
  
  
  
"Obviously it had been late last night? Where is Dr. Vukavich? I can't believe it but after only two weeks being with you she had apparently already adopted your bad habit of being late!"  
  
   
  
Parker's face showed no statement and he didn't respond.  
  
   
  
Bradley Talmadge interrupted Ramsey's sermon on the mount:  
  
   
  
"Nathan! Please! I have to inform you that Dr. Vukavich has resigned yesterday and she has already left! I am not in the mood for further discussions! In due course I will decide whether we need a successor or not!"  
  
   
  
Everybody stared at him in disbelief and then they looked at Frank Parker worried and compassionately. He sat there and shrugged his shoulders. The only person who recognized right away the true state of his innermost part by a quick glance into his eyes, who realised that he was profoundly hurt, was Donovan sitting beside him. Donovan frowned and was in deep concern. He knew him well for almost half of his life now and he was very well aware that this faked cold and unmoved casualness was only the attempt to hide the true nature of his feelings.  
  
   
  
This was the longest and most endless seeming meeting everybody had ever participated in. The seconds seemed to last eternities until finally it was over and the others rose and left the room deciding it would be better to leave the two friends alone. Donovan was still sitting beside his friend and started to talk to him but Parker only waved his hand to cut this off showed him a weak smile and gestured him to leave him alone too. Donovan mutely accepted his request rose and gave him a slap on the back:  
  
   
  
"If you want to talk – you know where to find me!"  
  
   
  
Donovan left the room he was sure that sooner or later Parker would talk to him. He always talked to him about everything. Everything? No! He was well aware that Parker wouldn't tell him everything. He never did. He never told everything to anybody. And this was a serious problem – the heart of the matter! Parker always stopped before exposing everything because this would mean exposing himself.  
  
   
  
   
  
Thursday, December 20th, 2.30 p.m., Captain Craig Donovan's office:  
  
   
  
Over the past days Donovan had watched his friend carefully and he had been forced to recognize that he wasn't able to help him. The first three days after Olga's disappearance Parker had reacted predictable and tried to drown his grief and sorrow with alcohol. For three days beer whiskey and the toilet had been his best friends. Senseless. Now the last member of this team must know the true state of his emotions and even Ramsey – for what reason ever - had preferred to keep away from him. Donovan had given him a lot of openings to speak up but Parker hadn't used this opportunities. He went jogging, went to the gym, lay on his bed reading and did everything he usually did. But Donovan knew him far better this was only the lull before the storm.  
  
   
  
He was his best friend. Why? This was hard to describe not only because Parker had saved his life! No! Parker was a cocky rogue with a sharp- tongued humour, easily bored and distracted because of his above-average intelligence but most of his behaviour was to veil his own insecurity. Sometimes he was moody and acted like a schoolboy trying to take the piss out of everybody but as soon as you knew him better you could see his true nature. He was a vulnerable and lonesome person desperately trying to find a family to feel at home. He was courageous and unconditional sincere sometimes a bit too blunt and despite his arrogant behaviour, the sometimes heavy drinking, his apparent superficiality and his problems with authority, if things came to a head there was nobody Donovan would trust and rely on more than this stubborn and hot-headed guy. And now? If Parker would go on denying to talk explicitly to whom ever about whatever – his nightmares the backsteps and Olga - sooner or later this would destroy him, would drive him crazy – must drive him crazy.  
  
   
  
This time completely unexpected and strange it seemed if Parker had already given up and accepted and indulged his unalterable fate. But this was only the lull before the inescapable storm and Donovan really did not want to wait and to go through this storm. Now Parker was like a wild animal injured and driven into a corner only apparently accepting what had happened but in truth only assuming a wait-and-see attitude, lurking for the first opportunity to break out. This couldn't last very long. A Parker trapped in a corner was as dangerous as TNT only a small spark would be enough and the whole damned thing would blow like a New Year's fireworks and he would put the first one through the wringer he could get hold of. So he came up with a decision and headed for Bradley Talmadge's office.  
  
   
  
   
  
Thursday, December 20th, 5.15 p.m., Bradley Talmadge's office:  
  
   
  
Donovan knocked on the door and entered after hearing the invitation. As usual Bradley Talmadge sat behind his desk and viewed some documents. When Donovan approached to sit down on the offered chair in front of his desk he showed him the document in his hands:  
  
   
  
"This is Dr. Vukavich's letter of resignation I've kept it in my drawer and I've still haven't had the heart to pass this letter to the NSA Panel. Until today I've kept this secret and I've told the Panel that she needed a break for family reasons. But before we continue to discuss what to do now I want the other members of our team to participate in this conspiratorial meeting too." He picked up the phone and called Ramsey to inform the others except Parker to be expected in his office in five minutes.  
  
   
  
Five minutes later all the members were present and in tense anticipation.  
  
   
  
"First I want to know how is Frank?" Bradley opened the meeting.  
  
   
  
"The guy is toast!" Ramsey's rash and short comment matched the truth perfectly.  
  
   
  
"Most of the time he is in his quarters on his own and he hasn't already talked to me about the reason for Olga's resignation. I really can't imagine what happened!" Donovan added concerned. "But we can't go on this way!"  
  
   
  
"Exactly! It's not ensured that Frank will be able to backstep – in case of an emergency – and to execute his orders. I am sure that he is distracted too much and this is absolutely understandable. The poor guy is in love and now he is preoccupied with his problems!" Isaac Mentor stated.  
  
   
  
"That was all I needed – a lovesick psychopath!" Ramsey grunted.  
  
   
  
"Gentlemen! Be sure I know Olga's reason although I still haven't understood this completely because I really thought they'd be a perfect pair unlikely but perfectly completing each other. So we need constructive suggestions!" Bradley Talmadge interjected seriously.  
  
   
  
"Maybe we can tap our Secret Service sources and find out where she is?" suggested Andrew Owsley.  
  
   
  
"Excellent idea and so far our only chance! Mr. Owsley, Mr. Ramsey, Captain Donovan this is your turn!" Talmadge accepted.  
  
   
  
"I can't believe it! I am really going to help this meanwhile rather abashed bigmouth and spoilsport. This is not funny! He really gives me no earthly chance to have a bone to pick with him!" Ramsey was not in a laughing mood when Owsley just opened his mouth to comment this he yelled at him: "Tell him and I'll bury you!"  
  
   
  
"Okay everybody! You have 24 hours – if we don't find out where Dr. Vukavich is I have to inform the NSA Panel about her resignation and I am forced to look for a successor! This is the last I would be hot for! So let's go!" Talmadge finished this meeting and dismissed his colleagues.  
  
   
  
   
  
Friday, December 21st, 2.30 p.m., Frank Parker's quarters:  
  
   
  
He was lying on his bed and in his hands he held a book. He tried to read but he was not able to concentrate on this book did not even know the title because again and again his thoughts automatically wandered away restlessly roaming around and he caught himself at staring at the ceiling absent- minded and dreamy.  
  
   
  
A slight knock on his door disturbed him.  
  
   
  
"Leave me alone!" He answered chilly.  
  
   
  
Simply ignoring this rebuff the door was opened and one after the other the members of the backstep team entered his room.  
  
   
  
With a short glance on this illustrious circle gathering around his bed he rolled his eyes sighed and disinterested started to read again.  
  
   
  
"Guess what I hold in my hand!" blurted Andrew Owsley with a bright smile on his face.  
  
"The results of the horse racing on next Saturday?" Parker replied dutiful and looked really bored now.  
  
   
  
"Jesus! Unbelievable! If you would only listen to us for once bigmouth!" Ramsey flared up.  
  
   
  
"Frank! This is our Christmas gift for you! This is Olga's address! She is in Russia to be precise in Moscow!" Donovan took the floor and grinned at him.  
  
   
  
With a start a very interested and not at all bored looking Parker stared at them in pure disbelief.  
  
   
  
"Frank, Olga is with her sister Svetlana in Moscow! You owe this information to Ramsey. He was the one who finally found out where she is!"  
  
   
  
"Um ….!" he could only clear his throat and for the moment he didn't know what he should say. Ramsey was the last person he'd thought of. "Thanks a lot old block head!" Ramsey didn't even mind this gruff form of address.  
  
   
  
"Frank, we all will be on duty from Christmas Eve until January 1st and therefore I thought I'd invite the whole team for a Christmas Dinner on Christmas Eve and if I say the whole team I mean the whole team. Olga is still a very respected member of this team – I've not passed her resignation to the NSA Panel and now it's up to you to deliver this invitation personally I assume this is in the best of hands now. Apart from this you know that there is a big New Year party at the Base for all the staff who is on duty and this would be an excellent opportunity to dance with her!" Bradley Talmadge explained smiling. "So come on Mr. Parker suit up and prepare for your departure you have one hour – this time without a backstep!"  
  
   
  
"Good luck my dear boy!" This was Isaac Mentnor's only comment.  
  
   
  
"A car is already waiting to take you to the airport. There is your ticket and the one way return ticket for Dr. Vukavich!" Donovan handed him over the documents.  
  
   
  
For a very short moment you could see Ramsey smiling too and than he quickly returned to his usual surly face but Frank Parker noticed this very well:  
  
   
  
"I've already arranged your transport in Moscow. A friend of mine a former KGB agent, Major Alexej Gudunow will pick you up!"  
  
   
  
"Thanks a lot friends!" This was Parker's only answer. He couldn't say more he was simply overwhelmed and deeply moved he could not put into words what he felt at this moment – he had found a family - but his radiant smile and his sparkling eyes spoke volumes and they knew they had given him the most beautiful Christmas gift of his life.  
  
   
  
Ramsey, who else, could not resist commenting this:  
  
   
  
"Oh fabulous when we are all bosom-friends now can we step on the gas?"  
  
   
  
They laughed and turned to leave him alone to pack when Donovan stopped in the doorframe:  
  
   
  
"Buddy don't screw this up! This is your only chance! They will never allow a backstep! Good luck!"  
  
   
  
   
  
Saturday, December 22nd, 7.00 p.m., Moscow, Russia:  
  
   
  
Over the whole really endless seeming flight to Moscow he had been deeply in thoughts and he still had not the faintest idea what he would tell her if he finally had found her. He was a man without further ado or beating about the bush always acting instinctively and spontaneous but now he was worrying how she would react – pleased or annoyed.  
  
   
  
Only a few days before Christmas it was very cold in Moscow the streets were covered thick with snow and it was actually starting to snow again. In the left hand he carried his black traveling bag, the right hand was deeply buried in the pocket of his leather jacket and he was looking for his announced transport. A square-built at first sight grim looking Russian officer, Ramsey's friend, Major Alexej Gudunow, had waited for him in front of the passengers' arrival and now he friendly welcomed him in harsh sounding English and added a few commiserating mumbled Russian words what Parker listened with one ear only nevertheless understood very well. In the meantime his Russian was excellent and fluent nearly without accent.  
  
   
  
Ramsey damned numb head! Must everybody know why I am here? Jesus are all Russians so sentimental?   
  
   
  
Major Gudunow took Parker's traveling bag out of his hand and put it into the trunk of his old Moskvich a very strange looking huge scrap heap which he designated as a car. The major sat down behind the wheel and started a conversation in English. To be as polite and hospitable as his driver Parker decided to answer in Russian and really pleased his talkative Russian. Not a very good idea because the major started a kind of a sightseeing tour through Moscow on their way to Svetlana Vukavich's apartment explaining every details and all sights to his American guest who would have preferred to go on thinking in quiet.  
  
   
  
He had no eyes for the beautiful illuminated store windows generously decorated for Christmas, the exhibited luxury which no normal Russian citizen could afford, the small dreamy Christmas fairs on the snowed up places, the passers-by who were busily hurrying to buy their Christmas gifts or more likely only wishfully admired the exhibited, the children playing snow ball fights and open-mouthed flattening their little noses on the store windows of the toy shops. At night luxuriously illuminated Moscow was a beautiful city with big old art nouveau apartment houses along the river Moscva and elegant decorative stone bridges, which span the river in impressing tall arcs.  
  
   
  
After a drive of approximately 50 minutes they reached their destination an old art nouveau apartment house with six floors. Parker thanked the major for his hospitable behavior and the informative accounts. He got off the car and declined his offer to wait for him with thanks.  
  
   
  
"Thanks a lot Major Gudunow but in case I need a transport back to the airport I'll take a taxi!"  
  
   
  
   
  
Saturday, December 22nd, 8.00 p.m., Svetlana's apartment, Moscow:  
  
   
  
He shut the door waved a 'good bye' and stood in front of the house for a moment he was wavering then he heaved a sigh and approached the massive wooden door. On the right side he found the nameplates and the appropriate doorbells. Svetlana lived on the 5th floor. He was lucky because right when he wanted to ring one of the tenants came out of the door and he slipped in. This house had no lift so he had to walk upstairs. Always taking three steps at once he hurried upstairs and finally stood in front of Svetlana's door slightly out of breath. He felt his heart throb in his chest echoing in his ears, he was fluttering like a schoolboy now but he plucked up courage and rang.  
  
   
  
After a moment he heard footsteps approaching he leaned against the doorframe and waited full of expectation until the door was opened. He was facing Svetlana and frowned but smiled weakly. For a second she was really surprised but she rallied quickly, bowed and greeted him with a smug grin:  
  
   
  
"Look who's here my favorite thief! Home visit Parker? Wow! What do you want Romeo?" She crossed her arms in front of her chest leaned against the door and waited but now she smiled at him sincerely pleased to see him. She had liked him at once and was a bit jealous of her sister because he had tracked her down here in Russia and therefore he must really love her very much.  
  
   
  
"Um," he cleared his throat, "Svetlana you know very well why I am here! And … I only did you a favor Sister Svetlana," he stressed the last words, "I helped you out of this mess in Las Vegas and the end justifies the means. The money was donated for a charitable use," he answered with his typical upsetting little boy smile.  
  
   
  
"Oh! I forgot! The unselfish hero! But to return to the originally purpose of your home visit – Olga is not here!" Svetlana had to keep him in suspense because to her mind she had to get her own back on him. She watched him getting pale and continued moderate with a short glance on her watch:  
  
   
  
"Jesus! Be realistic! Olga is at Gorky Park! As every day she always goes for a walk there and I am sure you'll find her sitting on a bench at the waterside of the small lake watching the ice-skaters!"  
  
   
  
Svetlana could easily see that a load was off his mind and explained how he could find her there. When Parker turned to bound down the stairs she took his traveling bag, which he had left thoughtlessly in the corridor and shouted after him:  
  
   
  
"Good luck Frank! I think I'll prepare the guest bed!"  
  
   
  
   
  
Saturday, December 22nd, 9.05 p.m., somewhere at Gorky Park, Moscow:  
  
   
  
He hurried through the streets driven by insatiate desire to see her again and to hold her in his arms. He reached the entrance of Gorky Park and paused to catch his breath he took a last deep breath and searched the snowed up lanes to find her. Meanwhile it had stopped snowing and the stars were brightly sparkling on the pitch black sky gleaming a race with the electric light chains which were hanging on the naked trees to enlighten the surrounding. The lanes were additionally illuminated by streetlights and obviously Gorky Park was well attended and had a magnetic attraction for children, loving couples having a ride in horse-drawn sleighs sheltered from the icy cold with fur blankets, idlers who wanted to skate and night owls who wanted to enjoy this beautiful evening under the starry sky.  
  
   
  
He arrived at the lake and suddenly he saw her standing beside an abandoned bench staring at the frozen surface absent-minded watching the ice-skaters who span their pirouettes accompanied by low music from the all over placed loudspeakers. For a short moment he stood there behind her in silence from a distance simply watching and adoring her, the beautiful face, the frozen breath producing little white clouds and the slight breeze softly moving her red brown hair. She was dressed up with a thick coat a long cosy scarf and had buried her hands in the pockets of her coat.  
  
   
  
He carefully approached her and stopped only a step behind her. He wanted to touch her but hesitated and resisted the urge to hug her to hold her in his arms and to feel her body pressed against his instead he gently called her name, his voice was husky:  
  
   
  
"Olga!"  
  
   
  
She froze her body tightened she slowly turned around yearning for this familiar beloved voice yearning to look at him to fling her arms around his neck. She wanted to kiss him to touch him wanted him to hold her in his strong arms but with superior effort she resisted and kept standing in front of him.  
  
   
  
"Frank!" She could only mumble, overwhelmed to look at him and realizing this was not only a dream or wishful thinking.  
  
   
  
"How are you?"  
  
   
  
"I am fine and how are you?" She couldn't look into his serious face.  
  
   
  
"Okay! I'm okay!" He frowned and nodded.  
  
   
  
"For heaven's sake was there a backstep?" Olga was frightened now.  
  
   
  
"No! No backstep!" He was embarrassedly stepping from one foot on the other.  
  
   
  
"No backstep? What are you doing here? How could you find me? I haven't told anybody where I am!" She was really surprised now.  
  
   
  
"Well if the mountain won't come to Mahomet, then Mahomet must go to the mountain! Bradley thought I should invite you for Christmas Dinner! Personally!" He weakly tried to joke.  
  
   
  
"God that's the problem! You always try to take the piss out of everybody and everything Parker! Couldn't you be serious at least once in your life?" She sounded angry now.  
  
   
  
This was not exactly what matched his imagination of a two-way-conversation between two persons who loved each other. But standing there only a step away from her he completely lost the words he had carefully prepared for this moment, the words he had repeated and went over again and again in his mind, which had tantalized his brain for eons now.  
  
   
  
And taking a deep breath she continued and demanded: "Okay if there was no backstep then go away! I want to be alone!" She couldn't look at him, by no means; simply impossible this would have put her words ad absurd.  
  
   
  
"Alone? Be careful with your wishes sometimes they come true! Believe me – nobody really wants to be alone! I know this!" He cleared his throat and continued:  
  
   
  
"Okay! If you want me to go – okay - but before I leave I think you should at least look at me. Or am I not worth even the faintest sign of respect? And last but not least don't you think you owe me an explanation why you stole away at dead of night like a thief leaving me without a single word? Or do you think your spare lines must be enough for a complete fool a psychopath? At least you could tell me why! Tell me why you are so afraid of me! Why are you always pushing me away?" The words bubbled out of his mouth far more grudgingly as he wanted but this was only a sign how deep she had hurt him and she knew this very well.  
  
   
  
She actually managed to look into his eyes and he could see some tears dropping down her cheeks.  
  
   
  
"You want to know why? I tell you why!" Furiously the words began to bubble out of her mouth.  
  
   
  
"You always make fun of everything! You are not mature! You are superficial … and arrogant; you are a real stubborn hotheaded macho! You never talk seriously about the nightmares and the backsteps! Every time I ask you to talk you refuse or give me a lame excuse to discuss this whenever! I am pushing you away? You are the one! You push away everybody! You never tell me what occupies your mind! Can't you see this will wear you down some day, this will drive you crazy! This is not funny! I hate you for doing this! I am not hot for standing by and watching them admitting you back to Hanson Island! You think if you tell somebody what you are feeling, what you are thinking – this would expose yourself! You don't trust anybody not even me! I thought the time we have spent together would be as precious to you as it is to me! I really thought this would mean something to you – I would mean something to you! But … but you only wanted to add me to your collection of conquests! Fine! You've managed this! Oh what a fool I am I really thought you would love me! You … you arrogant bastard! For you there is no need to say that you love me! Not just once! So who do you think you are? Are you proud that you've tracked me down here in Russia? Standing in front of me and again making fun of everything? Do you really think it's enough to make fun of something and I would sink into your arms and beg you to forgive me? How could you! Jesus Frank! I love you so much I couldn't endure to lose you like I've lost Josef! I couldn't endure to see you dying because of a backstep or an order and nobody could ever guarantee that this won't happen again! This would kill me! I know that this had already happened and the last time you by yourself told me you had an accident! That's the reason! There you are!"  
  
   
  
Amid tears now she realized what she had done she had tried to hurt him as much as she could, tried to be unfair blessing and mean and with a start she reconsidered her last words.  
  
   
  
"For heaven's sake Frank you … God … you told me voluntarily about the accident in Lake Tahoe! You told me … ! You … you are always here when I need you!" She broke off couldn't continue she was weeping now and buried her face in her hands.  
  
   
  
For the fragment of a moment he was speechless amazed and overwhelmed of what he had heard, he looked that small. He put his hands on her shoulders and looked at her.  
  
   
  
"You want a guarantee?" He asked amazed.  
  
   
  
"Olga nobody can or will ever give you a guarantee not to die!" She had got him going now and tried to interrupt him tried to wipe this off:  
  
   
  
"Frank I …" but she couldn't continue he rudely cut her short well aware that this obviously would become his own private Waterloo and was apparently furious now:  
  
   
  
"Olga would you please let me finish speaking! It's my turn now so would you please do me a favor and let me tell you what I wanted to let you know! A guarantee is ridiculous! Be realistic! Look! Olga! …. I could say a thousand words or more but …. all I can guarantee is as long as I live I will do everything to return to you even if I have to go through the fires of hell! I really thought I had the chance for a new beginning! Yes I know I screwed up my marriage! But you are the one out of a million my reason for living, the reason why I am desperately fighting not to get crazy – um, …. yes I am crazy but … you know what I mean! You give me back the sense of my life you are the reason why I go through one Armageddon after the other why I am doing one backstep after the other! Do you know how many times you died in my arms? The only chance for me to go on living was a damned backstep to get you back! Don't worry I am far away from begging you or going down on my bended knees crawling through the snow to crave. I am too proud for that this is far beneath my dignity and far beneath yours too! And for that I have too much respect for you! I really wish I could find a way out of these problems then maybe we won't need this silly dispute! … I don't know, … I am not sure if I need you but I'd die to find it out! But what I know is I fell in love with you head over heels and the days we spent together in Lake Tahoe had been a dream come true. You can't imagine how often I dreamt of you, making love to you! I am not looking for a miracle! Or maybe I am just looking for a reason to believe. All I know is at the moment I don't live – I exist! I know I might never have treated you right but I've paid the price and since you are gone I am still paying for every day! … Olga, … I love you truly deeply madly! … If you still want me to go … just let me know!"  
  
   
  
Acting instinctively and very spontaneous this was the longest most emotional speech he had ever made, had never told a woman before what he really felt he had really went to a lot of bother. Now he stood there helplessly even frustrated waiting for an answer clinging to the last remnant of hope for a small sign to let him know about her emotions. Rubbing his hands blowing them to warm them he stood there in silence.  
  
   
  
She hadn't expected this. Never. His gentle loving words though furiously spoken had moved her to tears and she smiled at him through her tears radiant and on top of the world but she didn't say a single word couldn't say a word - not now - she flung her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately delicately invading his mouth with her tongue and telling him this way what she really felt thanking him for loving her, for being the incredible human being that he was. He hesitantly took her in his arms but the very next moment he pressed her against his body and answered her kiss. It was a very long lasting kiss and they both had to break this off breathless.  
  
   
  
He looked into her eyes and gently wiped off her tears softly touching her. She bowed her head still sobbing and leaned against his shoulder. Wordless he cupped her chin and raised her head so she was forced to look into his eyes.  
  
   
  
Finally she was able to speak again:  
  
   
  
"Jesus everything was so much easier when I thought you were an arrogant bastard!"  
  
   
  
He cleared his throat and mocked:  
  
   
  
"Well my day will come!" Through her tears she had to laugh.  
  
   
  
And in the same breath he continued:  
  
   
  
"Olga, I know I've made mistakes and if I had the chance to undo some of them I really would. Maybe this is intuition but some things you don't question!"  
  
   
  
He needed a moment to tame his heart throbbing like madly now:  
  
   
  
"Will you marry me?"  
  
   
  
She looked at him could not believe her ears her face showing a mixture of disbelief, incredible bliss and endless love:  
  
   
  
"Oh! …. yes I will!" The tears started to run over her face again but this time tears of joy she laughed beaming with delight and hugged him again.  
  
   
  
He reached into the inside pocket of his leather jacket and fetched out a small dark-blue box opened it and held in his right hand a wonderful thin platinum engagement ring with three sparkling diamonds taking her right hand he slipped the ring on her finger:  
  
   
  
"Take this as a promise I'll always love you 'til the end of my days!"  
  
   
  
These words so seriously spoken overwhelmed her. She felt the bliss filling her heart and soul sending waves of joy through her entire body.  
  
   
  
"It's wonderful! Three diamonds? Frank are you crazy?" She asked with a radiant smile trying to calm the storm in her heart.  
  
   
  
He replied joking with a big ear-to-ear-grin:  
  
   
  
"Yeap! One for each year of my digging attempts! And Olga? … Please let us go home now because slowly but surely I get frostbite in my ass!"  
  
   
  
"Frank! You are making fun of this again!" She gave him push into his side tried to look very angry but failed miserably. He kissed her and turned her around putting his arm on her shoulder he looked at her smiling:  
  
   
  
"Let's go!"  
  
   
  
Both knew that this would be the most wonderful Christmas of their life.  
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
EPILOGUE  
  
   
  
   
  
A doctor dressed in his white lab coat carrying a small black box in his hands quickly strode through the long white corridors; his footsteps echoing from the naked walls. The two bulky male nurses had called him a few minutes ago.  
  
   
  
Every single patient on this Island was a former CIA secret agent, a soldier participating in black operations – most of them Ex-SEALS, Ex- Marines and Ex-Army Rangers. All of them had been sent to this hospital suffering from nervous breakdowns or other mental illnesses caused by these black operations.  
  
   
  
In the meantime the male nurses had tied the patient who was awake now. Awake from a troubled sleep supported by strong psychiatric drugs they had administered him to abuse him for their illegal aims. Another laboratory rabbit to test their new drugs and the effects on possible hostile soldiers.  
  
   
  
The patient was tied on his plank bed with chains of leather round his chest arms and legs; thick and impossible to break off. Now he was in full possession of his faculties realized every single move of his tormenters but was not able to overcome them. His mind wanted to shake them off; to strike them dead with his bare hands, to kill them for all they had done to him, for all the incredible pain, for all the tremendous torture but his still weak body - despite the tensed and strong muscles - denied to obey. He tried to scream and realized with a start that this would be senseless. Nobody would dare to help him. Who should help him?  
  
   
  
And therefore he lay there on his bed in chains – mute. Only the look of his eyes showed what he felt and the silent moan leaking out his lips: incredible furiousness, dreadful fear and endless sadness. Tears ran down his face each like a sparkling diamond a precious jewel. He sobbed silently very well aware that he had not the faintest chance to escape from this never-ending nightmare.  
  
   
  
The doctor entered. He put down the small box on the iron bedside table. He took out of this box a syringe filled with a turquoise liquid held the syringe up and tested it. A sharp thin jet erupted in a glistening rainbow. It worked. He took a cotton pad sterilized the puncture spot and injected the turquoise liquid into the patient's vein without further resistance.  
  
   
  
And with a last compassionate look into wonderful jade green eyes, which already began to blur, he left the room.  
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
******  
  
   
  
Paris. Honeymoon-suite. With a start he was awake now bathed in sweat his heart madly hammering in his chest and only a few seconds afterwards a female hand wearing a beautiful golden wedding ring softly touched his cheek to soothe him: "Ssshhhh …. this was only a nightmare – only a nightmare!"  
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
THE END  
  
  


End file.
